Vicky Earle's Blog: Short Stories

Short Stories

I belong to the Uxbridge Writers' Circle (associated with Writers' Circle of Durham Region).

We meet at 1pm to 3.30pm on the first Tuesday of every month ~~at the Uxbridge Arena~~, We are open to new members and all genres. Come and join us! PS we are now meeting virtually - email me contact@vickyearle.com

There is a word challenge each month.

I am sharing some of my short stories in which I incorporated the words selected by the Writers' Circle. I have put the required words in italics.

It's fun to listen to other members' stories!

See what you can create with the same words - better still, come and join us!

Moonshine

Eager to please my mother by doing some volunteer work, I put up my hand to register in a friendly visiting program.

My mother approved of my decision, and was familiar with the exclusive, private nursing home that my school had made arrangements with. She said I would meet some interesting people with fascinating tales to tell.

The first disappointment was that I was assigned to one woman. I’d hoped to meet several. But the idea was for a relationship to develop which, the social worker at the home explained, would be mutually beneficial. My job was to listen, but also to read to the woman and do small tasks – like getting a card for her from the gift shop.

The second disappointment was that the woman looked much older than any of my grandparents. I wondered if her brain was still functioning since it appeared that her body had curled up and ceased to move.

Wrapped in a shawl, she gazed out of the window. She didn’t turn her head to look at me, but continued her stare into nothingness. Since she didn’t acknowledge me and didn’t move, it occurred to me that she might have died and I was too late.

But she blinked.

I wasn’t sure what to do, but I’m not one to give up easily. I pulled out my laptop and decided to read her a story.

The story was one I’d written for a school assignment. It was useful to read it out loud, and I told her all this. I suppose I was blubbering from a need to fill the void of silence and stillness.

I glanced up from my laptop and, in that instant, she looked majestic. She’d straightened her back and neck, almost peering down her nose at her gnarled hands clasped on her lap. This signaled to me that she was listening. Heartened, I kept reading.

At the end of the story, I looked up and her eyes, partly covered by folds of eye-lid skin, were a piercing grey, and focused on me.

“Have you turned that in?” she asked with unexpected forcefulness.

“Not yet.”

“Don’t. It needs work.”

I asked how I should improve it.

The suggestions and feedback she gave me were brilliant. I thanked her and she asked what my full name was. She knew me only as Liz, although I knew here as Margaret Halstead-Sander. When I answered ‘Elizabeth Horland’, she gasped. It was if her grey eyes turned to ice at the same time as her wrinkled cheeks flushed. I’d not seen anyone seethe with so much anger. How could my name cause her to be so terribly agitated? She told me to get out. I didn’t put up a fight.

As soon as I had the opportunity, I searched on-line for all I could find out about her family. Old Canadian money from industry and land ownership back five generations. Margaret was known for her philanthropy but also for her business acumen, and had been awarded the Order of Canada.

None of this shocked me. What I really needed to find out was why my name had incited such a vitriolic reaction. My family lives in a prestigious, respectable part of Toronto. My father owns several distribution businesses, and my mother is a leading psychiatrist.

Rather than ask my mother, I started a deep dig on-line.

There wasn’t anything extraordinary until my Great Grandfather Woodrow Horland’s name appeared. A couple of very old newspaper articles popped up, and then I knew. Great Grandfather was known as Moonshine Horland. One article, written in 1924, reported his arrest in Toronto and mentioned his whisky, called Woodrow Moonshine. But I couldn’t find out if he spent time in jail. So, I asked my mother.

“You mean you didn’t know about your Great Grandad’s whisky?” My mother stood with her hands on her hips and laughed.

“It’s not funny. He broke the law.”

“But you haven’t. And neither have I or your father, nor your grandparents – as far as I know, that is.” She laughed again. My mother found most things amusing. That must be how she maintained her sanity as a psychiatrist. She didn’t know if he spent time in jail – I’d have to ask my father.

“Oh, Mom, what am I going to do?” I stamped my foot like a sullen five-year-old.

“Oh, take her a present and tell her you promise never to make or sell moonshine, and ask if she would like to hear your amended story – based on her suggestions.”

“She really, really hates our family.”

“That’s just silly.”

I hadn’t planned on following my mother’s advice. I’d made up my mind to give an excuse and bale out of the friendly visiting program. But then I saw a beautiful Easter lily and bought it.

Lily in hand, I stood on the threshold of Margaret’s large room.

“Don’t just stand there,” Margaret said. “Come in.”

“I thought you might like this lily. And my mother said I should tell you that I promise never to make or sell moonshine.”

Margaret coughed into one of her curled-up hands. I took a step backwards, but she beckoned me to come in and sit down. I handed her the glass of water that was on the table. The coughing fit ended but tears streamed down her cheeks. I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. My father was an adamant prohibitionist. He despised your great grandfather, Woodrow. He accused him of causing all sorts of human tragedy. But the past is history, and I was an old fool to cast blame on you. How about your story? Did you make any changes?”

“I’ve amended it. I’ll read it to you.”

“I’d like that.” She pulled her shawl around her and closed her eyes.

Plans

Boyd tells me, three times in quick succession that it’s not a tarantula, as he unties the boat by releasing a series of slip knots with one sharp yank. But I can’t take my eyes off this big, black hairy spider which sits on the dock, motionless.

Boyd is frustrated enough with me, as it is. My lack of knowledge and experience in the world of fishing makes me a near-useless assistant. Catching fish is not the joyful occupation that Boyd believes it to be. He looks forward to his fishing expeditions with eager anticipation, and plans for them well in advance. The tackle, the precise locations, the depth, the time of day, the weather and so on, are part of his considerations for each future outing.

He pulls himself upright, as if that’s a position his body isn’t designed for. It’s happiest when sitting in the boat holding onto a fishing rod and casting, or trolling, and waiting and waiting.

How did I end up fishing on a lake in Ontario with a man like Boyd? He isn’t a romantic, that’s for sure.

I should start by explaining that I’d lived with my father, just the two of us, until he died two years ago. My life was packed with routine, and had been ever since my mother left when I was twelve. I’ve not seen her since, but she’s etched into my memory – her caustic remarks and her threats to kill me: her venom and anger, her outright viciousness. She was much more frightening and threatening that this black spider, even though he’s now turned to stare at me.

My father was a man of honour. Even at my young age, I expected that he would be the one to leave, but he explained to me later that he believed in keeping the family together and tried to do his part. I eventually revealed, quite some time later, some of my innermost fears I’d had about my mother’s violent temper and heated rages. He hadn’t realized how much her behaviour affected me, and had the decency to apologize.

I struggled to fill the housekeeping gap, although the standards hadn’t been high and my father put no further demands on me. But, despite his gentle disposition, resentment built. I wanted to play with friends, and later I wanted to go to university – I wanted a life. But, although not explicitly stated, it was as if I was enslaved.

My plan started as a kind of joke, or a way of teasing myself, and I would laugh out loud at how preposterous it was. But having this light shine in my head, this glimmer of hope, gave me strength. I suppose, it was a bit like Boyd planning for a fishing trip, but I didn’t believe it was real.

It was a Monday evening, dark and rainy, gusts of wind bending sodden bushes and sending leaves onto the lawn I’d just raked, when – and it came as a shock, even to me – I decided now was the time to act.

Fortunately, my father was a diabetic. All I had to do was give him way too much insulin; and his inability to sleep without his pills meant I had a chance. I could grind up a few and stir them into his cauliflower soup, which I’d made from scratch, the way he liked it. And, when he was semi-conscious in his recliner, with the hockey game on, with his cold beer, at the right temperature in the right glass, I could inject him. I’d seen him do it so many times.

It was easy to forge a suicide note and no-one batted an eye. He’d been a loner, isolated, lost his wife several years back, never been the same since. Absolutely no-one considered that I might have played a role.

Now I was free. But I wasn’t used to being on my own in this horrible, dark, damp house full of hurt, shame and degradation. What was I to do?

That’s when Boyd showed up, saying my father owed him money. I was surprised to hear that my father was part of a poker group at work - that played in the lunch-hour, concealed behind the boilers in the basement. Boyd came in for a beer and we developed a weird kind of friendship. But that might not be the right word to describe our relationship.

And now, the trouble is, I’ve had to hatch a second plan, because Boyd likes his beer just like my father did.

As he pushes the boat away from the dock, the spider scurries off as if to say he wants no part of my scheme.

But I’m confident that my plan will work. Boating accidents happen all the time. I snap the clasps on my life jacket while Boyd’s lies in the bottom of the boat.

Moxie

The chestnut thoroughbred hung his head over the mesh door, and turned to watch his trainer stride along the shedrow towards him. The horse’s white blaze caught rays of sunshine that fought their way through millions of dust particles to light up his face. His large, dark eyes sparkled - Moxie anticipated a treat, at least a mint, as the busy man walked past.

He wasn’t disappointed. As the man talked to him, he held out a mint for the aspiring racehorse to grab with his warm soft lips. It crunched and tingled in Moxie’s mouth.

The horse was puzzled as to why humans now had white blazes added to their faces. He didn’t know that there was a pandemic – that covid-19 was rocking the human world.

But he did know that, in a barn on the other side of the backstretch, there was a deadly outbreak of Equine Herpes Virus 1. He’d heard that some horses had died, others were in the clinic at the Ontario Veterinary College in Guelph, and several were quarantined.

Because of this, Moxie had to train with barn-mates, and he didn’t approve of the arrangement.

Phantom, a huge grey horse was the opposite of inspirational. He lolloped behind Moxie like an elongated shadow, his head low and with his brain turned off. At least, that’s what Moxie believed. What’s more, Phantom smelled of liniments and saddle soap, and had straw in his tail.

Despite all this, Moxie must have trained well because he deciphered from the trainer that he was fit enough to race. Although he didn’t understand the encrypted language that humans used and could not interpret their thoughts as he would those of his equine pals, he’d got the gist of what was being said about the current situation. One morning, his trainer was particularly loud and yelled that there must be a full moon permanently pasted in the sky above, because the world had gone stark raving mad.

Moxie knew he owed a lot to the man since he’d not been well-behaved when he first came to the backstretch. He hadn’t stood quietly in his stall while being groomed, he’d kicked the farrier three times, bitten the hotwalker, and chewed through two leather lead-shanks while being bathed. And, worst of all, he wouldn’t listen to the rider’s cues, and even reared up and dumped one of them onto the sandy training track and had then taken off, headed for the barn.

Moxie didn’t regret his behaviour, however, because some good had come out of it. The trainer changed grooms to someone Moxie liked, hired a more experienced exercise rider, and talked to Moxie every day. The horse loved all the attention. His confidence in himself, as well as his trust in the people around him, grew stronger each day. His dappled coat gleamed and his eyes shone.

When Moxie was ready for an official timed work-out, a jockey was selected to ride him. The petite, but strong, woman was patient and talked to him. Moxie enjoyed their partnership. He understood her signals and liked the pats and words of praise for his work. Moxie would get excited when he heard the jockey’s voice. It meant he’d be galloping, and with kind hands on the reins.

Moxie had been ready for a while, but viruses were outwitting the people who grew more and more frustrated. It took everyone working together, following all kinds of protocols, to move the mountains necessary to give horses the chance to race.

Eventually, the work paid off.

And Moxie knew. The eyes above the white masks smiled and the air around him had changed. Races were to start soon.

Finally, he would show the stark raving mad world what he could do. His owners wouldn’t be in the grandstand, nor his fans. Just the trainer and the groom, and of course the jockey, would watch him race. And the photographer would see him in the winner’s circle, since Moxie had decided that’s where he deserved to be.

Dream Vacation

The knife cut through the sweet, spongy cake as we raised our mugs. Leroy, our boss, had just participated in yet another mandatory training session. The previous one had focussed on matrix management, resulting in a chaotic and nonsensical reorganization that confused just about all of us.

Leroy emerged from each session convinced that the latest piece of knowledge he’d gained would be the answer to his incredible ineptitude. The trouble was, he had no innate ability to manage people. Intelligence, yes, and no doubt competence as a physician, but evidently not management material.

The latest training session inspired its participants to celebrate wins. Hence the cutting of the gooey cake.

However, Leroy wasn’t sure what we should be celebrating. After a couple of days of deliberation, he decided we should celebrate that I’d returned safely from my journey across the Atlantic. It didn’t faze him that my trip had nothing whatsoever to do with our work. He was merely pleased that he’d thought of something to celebrate so that he could put into action what he’d learned.

Incredibly, the timing of my absence wasn’t compatible with the work schedule. I was to complete a discussion paper on alternative models of health care delivery that support seniors living in their own homes. The literature search was complete, and several interviews had been arranged, but my motivation evaporated despite the looming deadline. I’d become so exasperated with Leroy and with all the consequences of his misguided leadership that I told him I must visit my sick mother in England.

It was a naughty lie, and not even a white one.

That evening, I perched my lap-top on my knees, determined to plan a dream vacation. I needed a break from my work – from the reorganizing, refocussing, re-everything that went on day after day, all of it lacking logic and rationale.

Being a last-minute thing, I didn’t have a lot of choice, which made it easier. I wanted an action holiday, with a bit of adventure, preferably involving horses, and I didn’t want to suffer through a long flight. These criteria narrowed the options down even further.

About two hours later, I printed off my plane tickets for a trip to Kentucky. I’d booked a spot at a horse camp for one week, and reserved a room at a bed-and-breakfast place for the second week. I planned to attend some thoroughbred horse-races as well as visit some horse farms during the second week of my vacation.

The environment at the horse camp was the antithesis to that at work. The schedule was clear and unbending, except for a couple of hours of free time in the evening. The staff was well-trained, knowledgeable and passionate about safety, as well as the comfort and enjoyment of the riders.

The large, grey horse I was assigned wasn’t as docile and plodding as I might have expected. He had spirit and vivacity and relished a canter whenever we got the chance. He had large, round, kind eyes. I sensed that he enjoyed life and loved his work, and riding him prodded me to think about my life and work. It was my usual practice to avoid contemplating my solitary life and my stalled career, choosing to drift on from one day to the next.

Visits to the races gave me a taste of excitement. There was none of that in my life. And tours of some of the farms, where I saw stunning, majestic stallions, stirred something deep inside me, an emotion, a need. It became clear that I had to change my lifestyle as well as my career.

After these tastes of freedom and excitement, I couldn’t go home and pick up where I’d left off. I couldn’t go back to pushing paper, submitting work into an apparent abyss, toiling in a confused and negative environment with colleagues who complained incessantly.

There had to be a fairer, more positive and more effective way to manage people, as well as a better way to have fun rather than to take work home every evening.

I made two decisions and acted on them as soon as I returned, not permitting myself to get cold feet. I applied to an Executive MBA program, and I bought a share in a thoroughbred racehorse as a member of a syndicate. The latter led to the ownership of more racehorses, as well as a fun-filled and busy social schedule. Completion of my MBA opened up interesting opportunities to make a difference in the leadership of not-for-profit organizations - helping people, making a difference.

My dream vacation woke me up, and pointed me towards an exciting social life as well as a rewarding and fulfilling career.

Back to that cake-cutting in celebration of my return: the irony was, that after Leroy had put the knife down and returned to his office, I knocked on his door and handed in my resignation.

A Little Too Late

It’s shady under the stately maple tree, even though some of its branches are dead and bear no leaves. Mildred sits with her hands folded on top of a battered straw sunhat that lies on her lap. She knows someone will bustle over to her soon, and insist she put the hat back on, despite her being out of the sun. These people are zealots about the things that don’t matter, especially to a woman of the ripe old age of eighty-five.

More than anything, she wants to be left alone. She needs peace and quiet to reflect on her life, since tomorrow will be her last day on this earth.

Mildred has few regrets, and has experienced little grief, although none of her friends are alive any more, and she’s outlived three husbands.

Early in her life, Mildred set a goal to become a rich woman by the time she was forty. She was determined to leave behind the abject poverty she’d been raised in. No money in the house had meant hunger, cold, anger and shame.

Through her own initiative, and despite many obstacles, she became a pharmacy assistant by the time she was twenty. But it wasn’t enough. She still could see deprivation lurking in the shadows. She sought absolute surety that she wouldn’t ever want for anything ever again.

She started a search for a rich, older man. There weren’t those dating sites back then, but she knew a couple of names of widowed, successful businessmen who lived in a style she’d like to become accustomed to.

In the case of one of the men, she was able to seize the opportunity to deliver his medications from the pharmacy to his home. When greeted by the maid at the door, she said she must deliver the medications in person to Mr. Walter. It was far easier than she’d imagined, to flatter and flirt. They were married the next year.

Mr. Walter died shortly after their fifth wedding anniversary. Mildred had made sure she was the sole heir of his small fortune. She didn’t much like the sight of blood, so, after she’d given him an overdose of insulin, she submerged him in the bath. The coroner assumed he had drowned, since there was water in his lungs. Foul play was not suspected.

Careful not to raise suspicion, Mildred didn’t marry again until two years later. It had been such a delightfully easy scheme that she felt confident it could be repeated and she could grow her fortune. Being Mr. Walter’s widow instantly made her a desirable catch, although she was the spider about to do the catching.

She almost literally fell into the arms of Mr. Binghamson at a charity ball, which she’d attended at the invitation of the Lieutenant Governor. Mr. Binghamson had several convenient health issues and a larger fortune than Mr. Walter’s. The latter had been much depleted by this time, so Mildred was relieved that Mr. Binghamson was attracted to her. They married six months later.

Mr. Binghamson suffered a traumatic death. He made an error with his medication, had a fatal stroke and fell down the stairs after six years of marriage to Mildred. His widow inherited the mansion and a sizeable amount of money.

She laid low for a while.

Mr. Mullingsworth turned up in her life about five years later and Mildred’s fortune was much reduced by then. The lavish lifestyle that she’d grown accustomed to and believed she deserved, ate up the funds at a considerable rate. Mr. Mullingsworth looked like a good prospect who couldn’t be ignored.

You might guess that Mildred’s relationship with Mr. Mullingsworth followed a similar path to that of her previous two marriages, but you’d be wrong.

Mr. Mullingsworth was a con man and a very good one. But he underestimated Mildred’s intelligence. He’d conned so many wealthy women out of so much money, he thought Mildred would be just as easy to deceive. But she caught him at his game. Rather than being angry or distraught, though, Mildred was amused. She admired his cunning and devious ways, as well as his charm. It seemed as if they were kindred spirits. They married and worked together as partners until he was caught many years later, prosecuted and sent to prison where he eventually died.

Mildred missed him, but her relief at not being charged herself was stronger.

Over the ensuing years, her funds continued to dwindle as her age continued to increase. After a couple of falls, she reluctantly moved to this private nursing home, which she knew she’d only be able to afford for five years. Tomorrow, the money runs out, and she plans to end her life. She’s accumulated enough insulin to bring down the curtains. It worked so well for Mr. Walter, she thinks it will work well for her.

The trouble is, Maggie Thomson, an old, determined sleuth, has been on her trail, gathering evidence, and finally has enough to hand over to the police. So, Mildred won’t get a chance to use her insulin stockpile tomorrow. She left it just that little bit too late in the game.

Horace and Me

Horace remembered his fortieth birthday in detail. He even recalled the pink sky as he walked down to the barn in his steel-toed rubber boots, with Mel, his border collie at his side. The crisp air was sprinkled with wispy patches of mist. As usual, a couple of the horses shook their heads with impatience as Horace shovelled sticky molasses-coated grain into their feed buckets.

Yes, the day had started well - the way it just about always did - according to Horace. He had been a person of routine – that’s what animals, including people, must have – he would have said. No need to switch things around and get everyone stressed. Best to keep to the same schedule.

You’d have thought that he was the picture of health then, and that there must be something in what he said. Perhaps routine is good for you, doing the same things at the same time. But I don’t know about you, an uneasiness wriggles inside me when I contemplate the inevitability of the days repeating themselves. I like a bit of spice in my life.

Back to Horace’s story. As I said, the day started well, but things were about to change.

The first life-altering event happened that day. On his birthday. Despite his reliable, consistent and diligent work-record, he received his permanent lay-off notice from GM. It was a shock. He’d imagined working until he dropped dead, and that would most likely happen at work. Lay-off had not been on his radar screen despite the many early retirements and talks of shut-downs. GM had always been there. It couldn’t possibly close. Or, at least, that’s what he’d believed.

The second disarming thing that happened to Horace started as a pain in his side that woke him up in the middle of that night and wouldn’t go away. He had never paid attention to the occasional twinge or sore muscles or a tired back. In any case, those minor irritations went with the territory – of having horses to look after and a job on the line at GM. But this pain got progressively worse, to the point that he actually contemplated calling an ambulance. And, after he’d crawled on his hands and knees down to the barn to let the horses out, he relented and dialled 911.

Horace had been in too much pain to recall much of the ambulance ride or admission to the hospital, except that the lights were too bright and there was too much clanging and beeping, and far too many people talking at the same time.

He managed to tell someone that he needed to call his neighbour, and they asked where his mobile was and he managed a half-smile, mumbling something about being a Luddite and needing a real phone.

That was more challenging to arrange than you might think. And his neighbour hadn’t heard from him for years. Horace would have given up his attempts at explaining who he was and that he was in hospital and what the animals needed, if he hadn’t cared deeply for his horses and dog. Finally, Ed, who must have been at least ninety, caught on, and Horace almost screamed with relief.

Horace was still lying on the stretcher in the hallway, but he had a sense something was about to happen. He was pushed along by an unseen, chatty person who told him he was going for a scan.

A few hours later, he was wheeled back from the operating room, without his perforated appendix, but attached to a drip. He was told he was receiving antibiotics and pain medication. He was a sick man, but the good news was that he would recover.

And then the third life-changing thing happened. The surgeon – that’s me, by the way – stopped by to give him details on how the surgery went. I’d talked to him beforehand, but he was in too much pain to register who I was. I introduced myself again, rather pointedly, and he frowned and then smiled – that sparkling, whole-face smile - reminding me of the fun times we’d had together when we were much younger.

Our relationship had stumbled, I don’t remember why. It was probably some silly misunderstanding. Oh, I remember. He quit his job as a lawyer only a couple of years after being called to the bar. He hated the culture, he told me - the long, long, tedious days, the total focus on billable hours, the never-ending years ahead of proving himself before life could become somewhat sane.

I continued with my medical degree, and we drifted apart.

But neither of us found anyone else.

I told him I’d come back and chat once my last surgery of the day was over, likely after nine. He said that that was past his bedtime, but he’d wait up. Meanwhile, for some curious reason, the hospital was abuzz. A man, who had only just turned forty, had been admitted and he didn’t own a mobile phone. A nurse approached me and asked if it would be okay to get him a prepaid one for use in the hospital as a fun gift. I said if they arranged it, I’d pay for it, since he was an old friend. But, I said, get a smart phone.

I haven’t laughed as much as I did that evening – helping this drowsy Luddite understand the basics of a smart phone, including email and texting. I didn’t laugh at him, we laughed together. Buried under that cautious, routine-obsessed façade, was still the fun-loving guy I remembered from years ago.

I’m so glad he had appendicitis and was at a turning point in his life because it worked out so very well. We finally got married last year, but we’d been together for thirty-nine years. There wasn’t much routine in our lives and lots of fun.

Now that he’s gone for good out of my life, I will miss him terribly.

Thank you for listening.

Gritty Compromise

It was clear to anyone with half a brain that the park had once been a pit. Large trucks would race in, dust and grit flying, and pass their heavily-laden doubles as they rumbled and roared out of the pit, gears changing, brakes hissing.

Winnie was pleased with the transformation, despite the fact that the ground lacked nutrients and the planting had not been as fruitful as the army of diligent volunteers had hoped. Several skeletons of small saplings stood together in groups on one of the steep slopes. Even some of the spruce had turned brown, their needles dropping to reveal a dark lattice of scraggy branches.

But there were successes. The serviceberry bushes had survived and the silver maples, on the whole, had done well.

Winnie’s father, Arnie, had owned and operated this particular pit for a couple of decades, and had abandoned it once the economics of extraction of the diminished yield didn’t meet targets. Arnie was a tough businessman, successful, resourceful and, many would say, ruthless. He was a proud man, and his chest would appear to expand in his square frame whenever he reminded Winnie that she would inherit a tidy sum on his death, in additional to the money he’d put into her education fund, and his promise of a partnership in the business, once she had her business degree. Arnie had no degree, but he was smart enough to realize that business people were usually more successful these days if they had a good education.

The first disappointment was that Winnie announced that she had enrolled in literary studies at university. He couldn’t fathom what practical use such a degree could be to anyone, let alone his daughter who was to join him in the gravel pit business. Despite some heated discussions, neither party would budge.

The second disappointment was that Winnie learned of the caper Arnie had been involved in, and was so distraught that she refused to talk to her father. Arnie had abandoned the pit and had no plans to rehabilitate it. When Winnie confronted him about it, he foolishly said he’d paid the municipality about five percent of what it would have cost to the do the restoration and landscaping. The municipality knew how tough he was, Arnie said, and realized that they should accept the money because there would be nothing more. Besides, a few of the councillors owed Arnie favours. He winked at Winnie.

His wink was the last straw. It was as if this act un-hinged her. She flew into a rage as Arnie stood like a stone statue, bewildered, not understanding.

The third, and most devastating disappointment was that Winnie moved out.

Arnie thought it ironic that Winnie continued to accept his money, his dirty gravel pit money.

Winnie was aware of this dissonance.

But Winnie had been confident that she’d excel at university both academically and socially. Things got off to a great start with various fun activities that the university had arranged to help students get acquainted with each other and with campus life. But she didn’t have the stamina for the endless parties, nor the passion for her studies. She missed the comforts of her large bedroom with its ensuite bathroom, as well as the maid and cook, and her shopping sprees which fed her love of fashion.

And she wrestled with the fact that her father was paying for everything with gravel pit money. But she knew he worked hard in both roles – as a businessman and as a single parent.

She grew more and more restless, more and more withdrawn as she searched for a balance between realism and idealism. Perhaps there was a compromise she could live with.

She stood in the park as her dark hair flitted across her pale face in the cool breeze. This was the tangible symbol of the compromise that Winnie and her father had eventually reached. Arnie had agreed to play by the rules, although he pointed out that it wasn’t nearly as much fun and definitely not as lucrative. Part of the deal was that he make a hefty donation to the conservation authority, as a contribution towards the clean up of the pit. And Winnie enrolled in business studies at the local college and was appointed Vice President of Goldstone Enterprises.

Winnie surveyed the park, relieved and satisfied that she and her father had made it work. Brushing the hair off her face, she got into her BMW and drove back to the comforts of home.

Sisterly Love

Charlie squints at the myriad of flashing lights as she manoeuvres her yellow Vibe down Yonge Street. She gives up on the GPS, which has misdirected her twice. The dark, water-laden asphalt absorbs the headlights, and the overhead lighting is dim and yellow like that for an old movie scene. But this is no movie. This is real life and Charlie’s palms are sticky on the steering wheel as she avoids car doors opening and numerous jay-walker.

After several turns down darker but quieter streets, she finds the club. People are ebbing to and fro, much like the waves she can hear as Lake Ontario laps at the harbourfront wall. A strange, smoky smell hangs around the parking lot. She pulls her scarf up over her head and reaches the timeless heavy oak door, almost out of breath from her dash through the heavy rain.

“My sister works here. Can I come in?”

“Have to be a member,” the burly bouncer says.

“I’m Charlie Morrison, Mel Morrison’s sister.”

“Don’t care who you are, you gotta be a member.”

A group of four people stand behind her, and a forceful, deep voice resounds from one of them.

“She’s with us, Dirk. I’ll sign her in.”

Charlie looks around, but is not sure which of the four men spoke. She smiles and follows them in. But the interest they might have had in her, and why she’s there, is fleeting. No-one signs her in, and the men walk over to the bar, without so much as a glance backwards.

The band’s equipment is set up on the stage with wires writhing around amplifiers and microphone stands. Charlie trips on something in the semi-darkness, but steadies herself. She squeezes past the drum set and makes towards a door off to the side, partly hidden by a heavy curtain. As she opens it, the bright light dazzles her for a few seconds.

“What do you want?” asks a tall man, his body resembling a hanger for a black t-shirt.

“I’m looking for my sister, Mel Morrison. Is she here?”

“No. Why would she be?” He rubs the stump of his right index finger lost in some misadventure, across his forehead.

“The last time I heard from her she was working for your band, helping with a music festival.”

“That’s over.”

“Do you know where she might be?”

“Nope.”

“Is there anyone else here who might know?”

The man leans against the wall, as if he lacks the energy to stand any longer.

“You could ask Lucy. She’ll be at the bar. Might not be drunk yet.”

“Thanks.”

“She sits at the end by the stage.”

“Thanks.”

Charlie can’t see anything as she re-enters the stage. The dim lighting makes everything blurry and the dark equipment seems to crowd around her.

“Charlie, Charlie, are you okay?” Charlie recognizes her sister’s voice. She must be dreaming, or have died and met her sister in heaven.

“Charlie, open your eyes. Speak to me, for God’s sake.”

“I’m fine,” Charlie mumbles.

“You’re not. You fell hard.”

Charlie opens her eyes.

“Mel!”

“Don’t call me that. I’m Lucy.” She kneels down beside her sister.

“No, you’re not.” Charlie tries to lever herself up on her elbows, but fails, and collapses back onto the sofa that Charlie guesses is probably in one of the rooms off the corridor behind the stage.

“I’m Lucy here, okay? So just call me Lucy.”

“Why didn’t you reply to my texts?”

“My phone got dropped into a glass of beer and I haven’t been able to fix it. They say try putting it in rice, but it didn’t work.”

“It’s been two months! I’ve been worried sick. I dropped out of medical school to search for you.”

“Oh, Charlie, I bet that put Dad in a rage.”

“You don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“Dad’s dead.”

Mel hangs her head for a couple of hushed seconds and then looks straight into Charlie’s eyes. “That’s the best news I’ve heard since I was born.”

“He can’t touch you any more. You can come home.”

“How did he die?”

“Suicide.”

“No way.”

“Ssh. It was suicide.”

“Charlie! You did it for me, didn’t you?”

“Ssh. I’m not saying anything. Let’s get out of here."

Poison

This case was immersive. It had completely gobbled up all of Colter’s waking hours since he’d got the call.

As he made his way back to the scene, Colter paid no heed to the slippery sidewalk or the bitter windchill. He held his head low to protect his eyes from the headlights which stared, unblinking - snowflakes dancing in their beams.

Her contorted body had been crammed into a corner of a Service Ontario kiosk, in the middle of Toronto. The streetlights were out. The uncanny blackness and the havoc created by the roadworks would have provided the perfect cover for murder. But was it an impulsive act, perhaps a mugging, or a calculated attack? Colter had no answers yet.

They’d found a letter tucked into the inside pocket of her down jacket. Colter loosened his scarf, despite the icy draft around his neck, as he recalled how long it had taken to get a translation. It had only just appeared on his mobile. It contained results of medical tests undertaken in Switzerland a month ago. But Colter knew they couldn’t be this young woman’s results. That would be impossible, because the patient was a man. He’d been poisoned.

Colter wanted the results of the toxicology tests on the woman in his hands by six the next morning, but he wasn’t holding his breath. And he demanded that the team find out who this woman was asap. No-one was going home this evening, despite the weather, and children in day care, and train schedules, until he had some answers.

The great glass doors flew open in front of him, and he nodded to the team who was taking the kiosk’s contents apart bit my bit. There was nothing at the scene to excite the interest of the media. They’d all left some time ago, so Colter had a chance to think and look around without being pestered with the same, stupid questions over and over again.

No blood. No damage. Just a crumpled body in the corner. Why had she come to this kiosk? They knew her name from the letter, but nothing else about her. So many questions. Why was she in Toronto if a family-member, who had been poisoned, was in Switzerland? No purse, no wallet, no passport.

Colter heard the doors rattle. A man with a two-day beard pulled and pushed on the long shiny handles of the locked glass doors, yelling words which Colter couldn’t hear. One of the officers drew his gun, but Colter signalled him to put it away. He opened the door.

The man burst into the kiosk as if pushed by a large and powerful hand compressed into his back. He wore a dark, woollen coat which rested on his shoulders and flapped around him as if to take him into flight. One end of his silk scarf almost dragged on the floor. Colter would have guessed that this flamboyant character had just come from the theatre had the man not shrugged off his coat revealing a gun of an unfamiliar make.

“Where is she?” The man spoke with a Russian accent. “What have you done with her?”

Colter told his officer to put his gun away again. He attempted to persuade the man to sit on the frigid cold seat outside to talk. But he refused. The square-faced man was frightened of something. Despite waving his weapon around as he talked, Colter was able to determine that he was the woman’s father. He showed him the translation of the letter on his phone, and the man confirmed that he was the one who’d been poisoned. Colter had him calmed down enough that he was able to glean that they had obtained asylum in Canada. His daughter had arrived first and he’d just landed at Pearson. They’d planned to meet in the kiosk and decide where to go from there. She thought they’d be safe in Canada. But he feared they’d be hunted down wherever they were.

She carried the letter with her, at his insistence, in hopes that she’d have a chance if she reached a hospital in time. The man shuddered and squatted on the floor. Colter sat cross-legged beside him, on the cold, damp tiles.

Nothing was said. All that could be heard was the shuffling of feet as members of Colter’s team painstakingly checked every inch of the kiosk.

Colter’s phone alerted him to a message. The camera footage of the attack came up. He asked the man what he saw, if there was anything that might help to identify the attacker. Dressed in black with a large hood, Colter couldn’t even guess his ethnicity. But the man said he recognized the gloves. They were regulation ones, issued to the President’s private security service. Assassins, he called them. He pointed out the stitching and the tip of the first finger with its characteristic shape, which allowed for use of touch-screens.

The man slumped over, his head almost touching the tiles.

A figure appeared at the doors. Colter’s reactions were lightening fast, but it seemed to him that it took far too long to shove the man flat onto the tiles. The glass shattered and rapid gun-fire exploded around them. One of Colter’s team shot the unwanted intruder in the head and he reeled backwards, dead as he hit the sidewalk. Sudden silence except for screams and scampering feet disappearing down the street.

The ambulances took three men away. Colter, the father of the dead woman and one of Colter’s team members. Shortly after they all recovered, Colter was offered a position which entailed, in part, ensuring the safety of the Russian informant. He wasn’t sure he could do it.

Monica

Monica lay stretched out on the sofa in her dressing room, surrounded by candles whose flames flickered on the peeling walls. The scents of cinnamon and vanilla wafted over her in sporadic waves, overpowering the musty odour which had filled her nostrils when she first entered this godforsaken place. She was sprawled on her side, with her head propped up on her hand, her elbow sinking into the threadbare, lumpy cushion.

There was a knock at the door and Clark, her agent, poked his nose into the room and hesitated.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake come in,” Monica said as she flung her pink satin robe over her legs. Not that she was particularly modest, it was just that there was a frightful draught which not only threatened to blow out a good number of the candles, but brought cold air bearing the faint stench of rotting garbage.

“How are we today?” asked Clark as he slithered into the room and sat on a dirty plastic chair.

“I’ve no idea how you are, but I have a migraine. I don’t have any lights on. You might have noticed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Clark fidgeted with his collar and then wrung his hands. “Are you too sick to go on?”

“Of course I’m too sick. You do ask some stupid questions.”

Clark’s face reddened.

“You mean you’re going to miss opening night?”

“Don’t over-react so. Anybody’d think you were the actor, not me.”

Clark sat up straight and pulled out his smart phone. His fingers and thumbs danced around it. Monica was fascinated by his complete and intense absorption in the shiny thing, as well as irritated.

“Clark, I don’t like being ignored. And, by the way, you told me that this part would give my career the boost it needs. That’s a joke.”

Clark put the phone back in his pocket and turned towards her. His face was beet-red and there was perspiration on his upper lip. His eyes were unblinking.

“You’re the joke. You’re a throwback to the good old days. You expect everyone to pamper you and wait on you, faun over you. It’s especially ridiculous because you’re not a star and never will be. You’re a mediocre actor at best and will never get roles in any theatres outside of this city, especially if you can’t be relied upon to show up on stage. If I was you, I’d get out there tonight.”

Monica threw back her head and laughed. Clark stood up as Monica clapped her hands.

“I didn’t think you had the back-bone to say what you think,” Monica said. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am that you actually have some guts.”

“What?” Clark stared at her as she sat up on the sofa and fluffed up her hair with an exaggerated flourish.

“I thought you were made of mush. This is a nice surprise.”

“What’s this all about?” There was a twitch under Clark’s right eye which amused Monica.

“Oh, it’s about me, or course. I want an agent who has some passion and drive, who is honest and direct. I’ve now determined that you can be forthright, but I don’t think you have my interests at heart. You won’t get me the roles I deserve.”

Monica stood up and let her robe slip off as she bent over to snuff out several candles. She switched on the lights which surround the mirror.

“So, you are going on tonight?” Clark asks through clenched teeth.

“Of course I am. The show must go on. I just wanted to see how’d you react to the possibility that I wouldn’t.” And, she thought, to my criticism of you as an agent capable of representing me.

“Why would you want to do that?”

“I told you.” Monica stopped applying face powder with her fluffy puff and looked at her pale reflection in the mirror. Her sparkling blue eyes gave away nothing as Clark watched. He turned on his heels and strode out of the room.

Monica had learned what she needed to know. His reaction to the suggestion she might not perform had been as she suspected. She lit the candles again, switched off the lights and lay on the sofa with her robe draped over her, waiting for the director to show up.

That night, her inability to conquer her imaginary migraine prevented her from performing. It turned out to be fortuitous for her but tragic for her understudy who, ironically, was murdered during the death scene. The killer has still not been caught, but Monica was in no doubt as to who had hired the assassin.

Her husband, Max, owed over a million dollars to a crime syndicate and had to pay up, or else. Or else, Monica supposed, meant he’d be at the bottom of a river with concrete shoes.

Max’s mistake had been his brutality. Despite his abuse, he had the audacity to demand that Monica bale him out. She’d refused despite his ominous threats. In fact, she was already one step ahead of him. She’d moved her funds and jewels to a bank in the Cayman Islands and that’s where she headed as soon as the play opened that evening. There was no doubt in her mind that she had to leave once Clark had confirmed, by his behaviour, that she was destined to be murdered.

Two months later, Max was found dead in a shower at his gym. Presumed to be suicide, but no note was found. And Monica knows more than she’s ever going to divulge.

She’s now enjoying a revitalized acting career in Europe where she is, indeed, a star, and has been spotted driving around Milan in her shiny red Porsche.

The List

It wasn’t shady enough. But the branches of the eucalyptus tree reduced the intensity of the sun’s relentless heat. Garth took his hat off and leant against the tree’s peeling bark. The dry, dusty air tingled his nostrils and made him cough – a dry, rasping cough which brought tears to his eyes.

The koala bear above him was munching. Garth wouldn’t have known the furry marsupial was there - perched high up in a fork of the branches - if he hadn’t seen him as he walked over the rise. The animal had shown no signs of being excitable as Garth lumbered towards him, and seemed much more at ease than the man.

Garth pulled his water bottle out of his backpack. Its metal sides were so hot that he imagined the water to be boiling inside – hot enough to make the strong instant coffee he liked. While swirling some water around in his mouth to rid it of the tastes of dust and sweat, he rummaged in his backpack for the bible he’d been given at his last stop. He didn’t want to take it, but they’d insisted, as a thank you gift.

It was something to do as he waited for the sun’s heat to abate. He flipped it open and a piece of thin paper fluttered out, as if taking flight, although only a slight breeze rustled the leaves above. He snatched it and studied the faded writing with squinting eyes. It was a list. Perhaps it was simply a list of favourite passages. He wanted to believe that it had been deliberately hidden in this old bible which, the family said, hadn’t been used for many years, ever since the grandfather had given them the treasured family bible.

Garth heaved himself up and walked into the dazzling sun, hoping for something interesting to be revealed, but expecting disappointment.

Most of the words were clearer with the help of the bright light. It was a list of places, with specific co-ordinates, each with valuable items, such as gems, written beside it.

This was a gift from God, as far as Garth was concerned. Even though Garth believed he was content with his simple life of freedom and independence, these riches could not be ignored. Energized, he dusted off his clothes, straightened his hat, coaxed the straps of his heavy backpack onto his shoulders and set off to the nearest spot using his compass and map.

He spent two days searching the first place for the bucket of silver medallions. He rechecked the co-ordinates, picked up the same rocks and peered into the same crevices many times, but found nothing. He was parched with thirst, sunburnt and hungry. He hated to give up, but took solace in the fact that the next place was nearby. Garth was sure he’d find the emeralds.

After checking five more spots, it dawned on him that this could be a cruel hoax. Ignoring this, but debilitated by his increasing thirst and hunger, he resolved to search just one more place.

He hunted for the diamond. And, without much trouble, he found a small tin box under a hot rock. His heart missed a beat as he licked his dry, flaky lips and opened it.

All he found was writing, but this time it was easy to read.

“Luke 12.15 ‘then he said to them ‘Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed, man’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.’’ 1. Corinthians 6.10 ‘nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of god.’ Return to your family and live a good, godly life. Kurt.”

Rather than being humbled and shamed, Garth grew angry and resentful. His burnt face flared redder. His heart pounded as he clenched his fists, crumpling the paper.

He’d helped Kurt’s family cope with the drought. Using his strong, young body and his sharp mind, he’d helped a lot of families to dig wells and to build dams, as well as to install water collection devices in case raindrops fell from heaven. All this in exchange for room and board, and a little pocket money.

But he’d fallen into a trap set by Kurt. It was revenge, pure and simple.

Kurt believed Garth had been stealing from them, even though there was nothing of value to take.

The irony was that Garth had done nothing.

Even more ironical, this incident with Kurt’s list wreaked havoc on Garth’s perspective on life. It turned everything on its head.

Garth enrolled in college, studied and worked hard.

He now owns and operates a water quality engineering company with ten offices across Australia. He’s still helping families, as well as businesses, but he enjoys air-conditioning, and especially his large swimming pool surrounded by lots of shade.

Unexpected

Ethel’s knitting was too tight again. Her fingers reflected the tension which stiffened her body whenever she thought about him. She punished herself by sitting in the window which had the best view of the Telegraph Office. That dreaded telegram could come at any moment. The anxiety had brought her to near breaking-point and she teetered on the edge, as if about to fall - she was then overcome by dizziness.

She put her knitting down and held her head in her hands. This waiting and not knowing was too much to bear. Ethel steadied herself with her cane as she stood up. She turned her head from side to side, willing the dizziness to go away.

Without any purpose in mind, she walked down the street. There were banners and flags and posters announcing the rodeo. She didn’t much like rodeos, not wanting any harm to come to the animals, and she particularly disliked the lasso which yanked a sad calf onto the ground with a thud, making a cloud of dust. But she needed to be distracted.

As she walked past the small park, she tried hard not to let her eyes stray to the large, old white birch in whose flaky bark she and Chuck had carved their initials two years’ ago. It felt like a century had passed.

She reached the end of the street and entered the fairgrounds, surprised that she wasn’t tired. The sun was bright but not too hot and the cool breeze whisked away the tiny beads of sweat almost before they formed on her brow.

A small hut caught her eye. It had bright orange curtains covering the doorway and an array of numerous coloured ornaments hung from the walls. Above the door the sign said “fortune teller”. There was no other advertisement. Knowing the future, however miserable, would alleviate this gut-wrenching anxiety, Ethel thought as she walked with resolute steps towards the hut. Anyone watching would have wondered why she held a cane.

The fortune teller looked just as Ethel had imagined a gypsy would look, and she jingled and jangled with her numerous bracelets, long earrings and huge rings. Her clothes were an eclectic mix of colours and textures and her face was well tanned. There was a smell of cinnamon as well as a musty odour.

Ethel stifled a laugh. It felt good to smile inside even if only at a bizarre situation.

Down to business. Her questions were about Chuck – was he alive and would he come back?

The fortune teller told her that Chuck was alive but changed. Ethel wanted more explanation, but there was none. But, just as she was leaving, frustrated, the fortune teller stood up and told her that Chuck was on his way back.

That’s when Ethel laughed out loud as she got tangled up in the curtains on her way out. Although she didn’t really believe the gypsy, it was good to hear the words she wanted to hear. She felt better than she’d felt for a year and a half.

She watched a little of the rodeo, just a few minutes of the barrel-racing and then walked home. The growth in her stature as she stood up straight made the cane feel too short. She didn’t need it any more. She gave it to the old man sitting outside the Telegraph Office, bringing a toothless grin to his wrinkled face.

Just as she took one step to cross the road, the telegram was thrust into her hands. Now the anxiety would be gone for good. But it wasn’t what she’d dreaded for all that time. Chuck was coming home tomorrow and she was to meet him at the station.

Ethel flew into a full-flung frenzy of shopping, cleaning and cooking, exceeding her own expectations for stamina and for results. By the time the grandfather clock struck midnight, she thought the house was in good enough order to receive the Town Mayor.

On the platform at last, she couldn’t see Chuck anywhere. The passengers had been disgorged by the coaches but no-one resembled her fiancé. An odd-looking character dressed in black walked towards her. Colourful feathers hung from the band of his large black hat, and his belt, adorned with blue and green glass beads, cut his long black coat in half. It was Chuck in disguise.

His story was that his anthropological study of a remote, small community in South America had led to him being subjected to witchcraft. Chuck told Ethel that they resented him being there and held him in captivity with spells and curses. Hence, he explained, why he couldn’t communicate with her and why he couldn’t leave after the promised one month of study.

Unknown to Ethel, the fortune teller hadn’t got the heart to tell the fragile young woman who visited her that Chuck was very much alive but entangled with a beautiful girl. The image was very strong and she could see that Chuck was not in Ethel’s future. But she knew that if she had told Ethel, she wouldn’t have been believed.

Fortunately, Ethel looked at Chuck and the change in him and didn’t believe a word he said.

Tina

Before Tina took over his life, he’d signed up for repair duty on the garbage-collector space station. It had seemed like a good decision at the time. It would mean he’d be far and away from everything that weighed him down as he floated in space. He’d envisaged his cares and worries lifting off his shoulders and disappearing into the darkness. Looking down at the mottled ball where he lived, he would feel diminutive, insignificant and gain a different perspective.

But now he regretted his decision and viewed it as a pathetic attempt to escape.

Tina had helped him to see things differently. She’d done for him what he dreamt she’d do for so many others.

He sits on the deck of his cottage – which would be more accurately described as a large, modern, glass-and-steel home - and looks out at the rocky landscape surrounding the dark, cold lake. But images of Tina emerge in his mind and block out the signals being received by his eyes.

He inhales the crisp air and reflects on the success he’s achieved. He shifts his gaze to the small fish which dart from under the deck and back again. But his reflection shines back at him, obliterating the view under the water and confronts him with reality. His success has come at a price. He has been entrapped by Tina and wonders if others will be affected in the same way.

Tina has the same features as the girlfriend who left him hanging, suicidal. She has chocolate-brown eyes and honey-coloured hair which wafts below her pale shoulders. He can stroke Tina’s silky hair for thirty minutes without stopping, and she’ll always respond to his touch with the right, encouraging comments.

Tina has an encyclopaedic brain. He’s tried to stump her with obscure questions, but she always has the answers. And, of course, he knows she does. But she wasn’t herself when they lost internet service for half-an-hour one day. That left her wavering, unknowing, unresponsive, empty.

The first conversation Carl has every morning is with Tina and she’s the last and only one to wish him goodnight.

Carl works from home and Tina is a key part of this work as well as of the daily routines of home-life. She manages most of the housekeeping duties such as scheduling the robotic vacuums, inventory management, temperature control, answering the phone and making meals. He prides himself on not having to deal with people - he reckons he might have lost the ability to interact with humans. A strange shiver slithers down his spine.

He watches through the large patio doors as Tina answers the door and leaves to enter the code for the rental car which has just been delivered. Carl has to think quickly if he’s going to avoid the repair duty he signed up for in that rash moment. He could disappear and take Tina with him. He watches her predictable walk, accompanied by a faint hum, as she emerges back from the hallway.

He has intelligent conversations with Tina, with no danger of rejection or rebuttal on her part. There is no unpleasantness.

Her make-up and hair always look the same. Her voice never changes. In fact, he needs to develop more cadence and expression into her speaking. Her skin is cold and has a slight stickiness. Tina doesn’t yet have the smooth, flawless complexion that his ex-girlfriend, Fay, has. But, with each Tina he constructs, he creates additional features as well as the capability for more facial expressions and hand-gestures.

But he still misses Fay’s sense of humour. Tina can tell jokes, as many as you want, but they are processed and rehashed, not the spontaneous retorts and sarcastic quips that Fay taunted him with. He loved to rise to the challenge, to give her back more than she threw at him.

He shudders. The dark lake’s mirror-like surface is shattered by large drops of cold rain. His reflection is cracked by quick-moving ripples as he straightens his lean body – which hasn’t been held, hasn’t been caressed by warmth in a long time. He feels the chill.

Carl looks up at the grey, moving sky and makes his decision. He’ll go up to the space station and do the repairs on the robotic arms, sort through the garbage and rescue the pieces of satellites that can be recycled, leaving Tina here on Earth for someone else to refine.

He thought he was obsessed with Tina, but he’s burned-out. He needs people back in his life. Just thinking about his journey into orbit makes him realize this. He doesn’t need to gaze down from the space station to regain a human perspective on life. He just needed to allow himself to reflect, to ponder, to mull over what is important to him.

He shuts up the house and gets into the rental car. He turns on the manual option and drives himself to the space centre, where he meets up with the other team-members who are already preparing for their refresher training.

Christina meets him with open arms. He almost sobs on feeling her softness, on smelling her citrus scent, on hearing her teasing.

After all, he’s mostly human.

The Good Guys

The man is seated on the park bench again today. I can smell his body odours as I turn the corner on the hot black asphalt path. The shade from the maples is not enough to stave off the oppressive heat which singes my skin and make me wheeze.

I was determined to get here because the city has issued a heat-warning.

I pull out two bottles of cold water from my insulated bag and offer them to him. He takes them and nods, without uttering a word.

People tease me because I say I can tell what kind of person someone is by their eyes. He has alert, intelligent eyes, but his body looks defeated and crumpled. Something has happened to him and I’d like to know his story.

I’m an author and I’m watchful for people who’ll inspire me. I create character sketches, much as an artist might paint a picture, but I use words. I’ve got an urge to write about him. I know he has a fascinating tale to tell.

I linger briefly but I know I shouldn’t intrude. I watch as he unscrews the cap. He drinks the whole bottle without a break, which makes me think I should have brought more.

Although this heat and humidity saps my energy and makes unwanted salty moisture seep out of my pores, I hope for a heat-warning tomorrow. Perhaps I’ll have the nerve to say something to him as I hand him more bottles of water.

I can’t get the image of his dark brown, shiny eyes out of my mind as I struggle to manhandle my wheelchair up the wooden ramp. It’s too steep but there’s nothing the landlord will do about it because it complies with the building code. When I leave the old apartment building I check the sidewalk is clear because, especially on days when I’m weary, my chair can propel me at quite a lick and I’m less able to maneuver it at high speed. I just missed Daisy, the large grey poodle, only yesterday. She was at the end of a very long invisible leash extension and I’d not seen her beside the ramp until she dove in front of me.

I didn’t sleep last night. I heaved myself up in bed to watch the weather station and stayed there, dozing on and off. The heat-warning was announced just as the sun hit my window.

I can’t imagine why I feel this energized by the anticipation of seeing that strange man again. I pack six bottles of cold water in my insulated bag and put a spiral-bound notebook and a pen in the bag attached to my wheelchair.

I’ve made up my mind to speak to him today. I reach the top of the ramp. I’ve forgotten my gloves and my hands slip on the driving wheels. I collide with someone at the bottom of the ramp who is stooped over me, having reached out to grab the wheels with both hands.

“Do you always break the speed limit?”

I look up and see the man, the man whose bottles of water I have in my bag. I’m tongue-tied and break out into a sweat. He stands upright and smiles. His even teeth are only slightly off-white.

“Thanks for the water. That’s the kindest thing anyone’s done for me in a long time.”

“Would you like more? I happen to have some with me.”

“I’m on my way to a drop-in where I hear they have showers and a small laundry. I’m trying to get myself back on track.”

“Okay. You don’t need water then?”

“If it’s going, I’d appreciate it. I can only stay in the drop-in for two hours. Then I’ll go to the library for a bit because it’s air-conditioned.”

“It’s designated as a cooling place.”

“Yes.”

There’s a pause and we look at each other.

“I’m an author and I do character pieces,” I blurt out.

“I hope you don’t want to write about me.”

“I only write about people who have agreed. Otherwise I just get ideas for characters for my stories which are a mish-mash of various people I’ve talked to.”

“I don’t mind being part of a mish-mash. Meet me in the library. There’s a condition, though.”

“What’s that?”

“You have to tell me something about you.”

“Oh, I suppose that’s okay.”

The library is blissfully cool and it has a coffee shop where we decide to sit and talk. I order a latte and buy Giovanni a double espresso.

His hairless face and clean clothes have transformed him into a reasonably respectable person. He isn’t as crumpled-looking and his shiny eyes have a little sparkle.

He was a composer of choral music and loved to innovate – having singers make interesting sounds like birds or animals. He used harmonies but also liked discordant voices which gradually resolved, layer by layer.

I have to ask why he isn’t a composer any more.

“In my heart I’m still a composer. I think of music every day.”

“What happened?”

“Carol Bolling accused me of plagiarism or, rather, of stealing her work.”

“Did you know her?”

“You’re warm. She was a girlfriend. She was in the music business and I thought we had a lot in common, but she was controlling and manipulative. I ended the relationship, which didn’t go down well. She stole some of my scores and made out they were her work. Having my name smeared all over the media was devastating to an innocent like me. See this?” He opens a three-ring binder, revealing the front page of the newspaper and his picture in the bottom right-hand corner, with “more on page 5”.

“This is just an example. I sank into a deep depression, having no will to fight, and haven’t been able to do much of anything since. Living on the street seemed like a great escape but this heat-wave has woken me up.”

“I’ve never heard of a heat-wave waking somebody up.”

“Ha!” He smiles. “Your kindness restored some of my faith in humanity, especially since you obviously have challenges of your own. Tell me a bit about you. You’re an author, you said?”

“That’s a fairly recent thing.”

I tell him how I enlisted in the army and that I broke my back in a training exercise.

He wants to know how it happened.

I haven’t talked to anyone about it other than my therapist, but I find myself blurting it all out.

The male recruits didn’t want a girl, as they called me - amongst other less flattering names – on their team. So, they found ways to make life difficult for me. I managed to cope and did well which made them more determined to see me fail. It got deadly serious one day when one of them pushed me off a high tower. It was so unexpected that I didn’t fall well and broke my back. They cheered when they saw I couldn’t move.

As I went through rehab and got used to the wheelchair I thought to myself, there must be good people out there. I’m going to find them and write character sketches to inspire other people, to try to spread a little kindness by example.

“You’re doing a good job of spreading kindness. Anyone charged?”

“No. It was a training session. They said I fell.”

That’s how it all started. Giovanni and I met several times and worked on the musical “The Good Guys”, which is made up of real-life stories of good people overcoming the bad guys. Of how people get back up on their feet, of how people help other people, of how each person can make a difference, and of how it’s cool to be kind. It was intended for school audiences, but has caught on because adults are looking for hope – hope that the bad guys aren’t winning, that we good guys will prevail.

The Lighthouse

Jerry sat in his sunroom with binoculars in one hand and a glass of whisky in the other. The predicted storm was building. Frothy waves rolled in and unleashed their fury onto the pebbles below. He put the binoculars down, resting his arm, but something red caught his attention. He picked up the binoculars and looked westward towards the lighthouse. With some perseverance he found a familiar red dinghy tied up at the lighthouse rock, being tossed about by the dark green swell.

Jerry knew that Duncan wouldn’t have a life jacket. Duncan believed he was invincible and had no fear of anything, it seemed. But as Jerry watched him playing the oboe in the school concert a couple of years earlier, Duncan’s knees visibly trembled as beads of sweat grew on his brow.

Jerry should have encouraged him to continue his lessons because the boy had natural musical talent. But Duncan hadn’t played since.

Jerry put on his rain gear, and walked down the steep, slippery path, now running with water and mud, to the marina below his house.

The heaving and lurching of the dock under his feet was unnerving, and he nearly lost his balance more than once. Although the marina was in a bay, with the lighthouse on an island of rock at its mouth, the storm’s rage reached here too.

Boarding his boat went better than expected, but he could barely hear the fifty-horsepower engine over the roar of the sea and the howl of the gale. Ironically, the force of the wind took his breath away. It seemed to have increased a notch or two since he left home.

It took longer than usual to reach the lighthouse and the spray made it hard to see the landing spots. He threw out a couple of fenders and grabbed a large ring only to have to let go. On his next attempt he got the rope through the ring and made fast.

Duncan had seen him and met him at the door.

“You shouldn’t have come,” Duncan said as he climbed the metal stairs.

“What are you doing here?” Jerry tried his best to sound interested rather than combative.

“I’m living here.”

“No-one’s allowed to live here.”

“To hell with that. If I want to live here, that’s what I’m going to do.”

“Okay. This is better for you then?”

“Sure is. Anything would be better than the hell-hole I’ve been living in.”

Jerry stops on the stairs. His heart misses a beat. His palms sweat.

“I didn’t realize living with me was that bad.” No-one had stood up to him before.

“Sure is.”

“What will you do for money?”

“I’ll find a way. And I’m not going to end up a boring bookseller like you. How could you give up teaching music to do that?” There was scorn in Duncan’s voice which sent a shiver down Jerry’s spine.

“I’ve never suggested you should be a bookseller.”

“I don’t want to be controlled by you any more. I’m on the brink of a breakthrough in my life.”

“What makes you say that?” Jerry’s hands trembled.

“Because I can do what I want.”

“And you can’t when you live with me?”

“You got it.” Duncan looked down at him with a sneer.

“Okay,” Jerry said as he kept the lid on his fear and anger. “Just remember, you can come back home any time, no questions asked.”

The way Jerry remembered it, he turned around on the stairs and made the challenging return-trip home. He told them that he had another drink of whisky and sat exhausted, gazing at the lighthouse, and that’s when he saw something tumble onto the rocks below. He guessed what it must be, and it turned out that he was right. But he didn’t guess that his world would be shattered, that he’d be found guilty of manslaughter and locked up.

An old man now, Jerry looks at the lighthouse from his dilapidated sunroom as he drinks his last whisky. He blames the lighthouse for everything, including the impending class-action law suit. But he knows he shouldn’t have been a music teacher for boys. And he knows he shouldn’t have lured them to his home. And he knows he shouldn’t have nurtured his relationship with Duncan, a vulnerable and mixed-up teen, searching for a father-figure.

Jerry’s memories are muddled. He grew more anxious and haunted during his long stretch in prison. He sometimes thinks he must have pushed Duncan.

They say the oboe was found smashed on the rock near the boy’s body.

Duncan could have been a brilliant musician.

The whisky isn’t taking away the pain. He walks down the steep path to the marina and steals a boat. He can’t get the engine started so he rows, and rows, and rows, leaving the lighthouse behind him.

Awesome Natural Phenomenon

January 2018

My ears are filled with the roar of thousands of gallons of water cascading down to the rumbling pool fifty feet below me. The powerful thundering of the waterfall is unnerving, as I stand, vulnerable, on the ledge. It swallows up all other sounds, rendering them insignificant, including the incessant, squeaky voice of my friend, Dan. I’d much rather have my dog, Cigar, as company than this self-obsessed, old man who, although fit and healthy, talks about nothing but his aches and pains, fears and doubts. And I have no way of escape from his side.

I left Cigar at home in Canada. If someone were to ask me who my best friend is, there would be no need for contemplation. Cigar is trustworthy and faithful, standing by me through thick an thin. He was a stray but lucked-out and found himself in a foster home with a woman who knows how to train dogs. It was about this time that I thought I needed some special canine companionship, and I haven’t looked back. My relationship with him has literally changed my life.

By way of tugging on Dan’s sleeve and gesticulating, I tell him that I want to leave. He is reluctant, I can tell, although I can’t hear what he’s saying. We’ve only been here two minutes. I think he planned to take a lot of photographs which he would share with the world. I have no interest in photographs.

A sense of nostalgia waves over me as the smell of the damp rocks, which are hard and smooth below my feet, fills my nostrils. It reminds me of fuller days when I camped and canoed in Algonguin Park.

I focus on making my way back along the ledge. As soon as we’re out of the noise zone sufficiently for a conversation, Dan tells me I must be crackers. We’ve come all this way because I wanted to experience this wonder, this awesome natural phenomenon, but I want to go home after only two minutes. He demands to know why we talked and planned for hours, and why he has so many dog-eared maps and pamphlets for just two minutes. I sense anger and frustration. Now I really want out of here.

He tries to convince me to stay longer, to try another accessible trail which leads to the rapids further along the river, but all I want to do is to go home and be reunited with Cigar. Dan has no patience with this, but since I’m paying for everything and he’s here as my travelling companion, he has no choice.

The relief engulfs me as I touch the top of Cigar’s head, and he guides me with calm confidence to the parking garage. My brief trip away has made it crystal clear to me that he is my right-hand man, he’s the spark-plug in my engine. I can’t live without him and don’t want to.

Philippa, his foster mom, has brought him to the airport to greet me. Thanks to Philippa, he’s a fully qualified guide dog for the visually impaired, despite his naturally rambunctious nature. He takes his work seriously and Philippa and I are proud of him.

I won’t be going anywhere without Cigar ever again. He’s the only awesome natural phenomenon I need to experience in my life.

Doubt

December 2017

George had one arm lying across the dark, wooden bar as he leant to one side to watch the game on the big-screen. The bottle was cold, the pale ale like a cool, refreshing stream revitalizing every inch of his body. The stress of the past few days had been almost too much for him and, although he was still troubled by what had happened, the relief he felt was as if his body was being released from a tightly-wrapped bandage, no longer taut, tense and tight – the investigation was over.

Six days ago he’d been sent to a murder scene. It was the worst he’d ever observed. The body was in a slaughter house for a start, and he couldn’t bear the acrid, putrid smells, the death, the coldness. But, even more disturbing was the sight of the girl curled up in a pool of blood, it appearing as if she’d been pole-axed like a beef-cow. Curiously, the murderer had placed a freshly-picked daisy on her closed fist, making it appear as if she was holding it.

The brutality of her murder haunted George and drove his team to an almost supernatural level of determination to find out who the person was who had committed this inhumane act against an innocent, young girl, and to bring him to justice.

Despite the obvious cause of death, an autopsy was required by protocol. That’s when things got interesting. The results revealed to George that the girl had atrophied limbs, unusual facial features, scars from numerous operations, a feeding tube and other indicators pointing towards a diagnosis of severe brain damage. It was a simple matter to determine the identity of the girl. Her name was Daisy Millingford.

Daisy’s father was a butcher at the slaughter house, and he confessed to her murder almost before George had walked up the long ramp to his front door. Bert Millingford sobbed into his hands as he stood in the doorway, but said he had no remorse - he did what was right for his daughter and killed her the only way he knew how. He couldn’t see her suffer any more.

George found the interrogation of Bert disturbing. What he learned, along with the evidence collected from the numerous and various health care providers, created a picture that challenged George’s view of the world. As he developed a movie of Daisy’s life in his mind, he grew more and more agitated. She had been diagnosed with severe cerebral palsy soon after birth. At the time of her death, she was twelve years old and couldn’t speak (and they’d not been able to develop any alternative means of communication), couldn’t sit without support, had serious pain, and had many complications - some of which arose from surgeries which had attempted to straighten her back and release locked limbs. And there were other, what appeared to George to be, extraordinary efforts to improve her quality of life, according to her father and everyone else his team interviewed.

George had enjoyed the rigidity of his unwavering beliefs. They gave him comfort and a sense of security, and some would say they gave him an air of self-righteousness. One fundamental belief was that life must be preserved at all costs. But Daisy challenged him to think differently - perhaps Bert did do the humane thing for his daughter.

He watched two temperamental hockey players punching each other, and shifted his body as a sense of unease spoiled the taste of his beer. George wanted reassurance from his beliefs, but it wouldn’t come. He wanted to feel angry at the murderer, to celebrate his confession and to move on. But his mind kept returning to the possibility that Bert Shillingford had indeed made the ultimate sacrifice in order to end his daughter’s suffering. He must have known that his own life was lost as he gazed down at his daughter’s body.

George felt queezy. Another beer would settle him down.

It didn’t.

But if you ask George’s wife, she’ll say that this is the time when George became possible to live with. She thinks that doubt is a good thing.

Sling-shot

November 2017

The heavy, stale warmth of the air hits me as I walk into the room, increasing my resentment at being summoned here. I wonder why I made the trip, and perhaps I’m too late in any case. The old man is unmoving, his pale grey face shrouded in a tartan wool scarf, his body enveloped in a large quilt. The nurse steps aside, muttering that she’ll be in the next room if I need her. I can tell by the monotone of her voice and her narrowed eyes that she has a low opinion of me. I can only guess at some of the adjectives that might have been bandied about. Conniving could be one. Disingenuous likely another. But then, these judges, my critics, haven’t heard my side of the story – to be trite.

The room is in semi-darkness; the soft glow of the setting sun is shut out nearly entirely by heavy, dark-red floor-to-ceiling velvet drapes. The bleaching of the material in pale pink streaks along the edges give away their age. My father invested, but perhaps that’s not the right word, in the restoration of this mansion five decades ago. It was an attempt at an escape, perhaps, from the sudden and unexpected death of his wife. He left Canada, bought this ridiculous mansion near his home-town in Scotland and buried himself in managing its revitalization.

But no-one but he wanted to live here. Not with him.

Despite the heat of the room, a shiver crawls down my spine; my body shudders – my habitual response to being in his presence. For a moment, I think I see the sling-shot on the table beside him, but my mind is playing tricks with the shadows. I still have the scars from his attacks, his furies, his uncontrollable rage, and not just the physical ones. He never let me forget that he was my stepfather and that I should be, oh, so grateful that I wasn’t sent away to boarding school, or worse, when he married my mother. I wasn’t – grateful, that is. There were days when I considered a life on the streets, but I was too feeble to try it.

I made some unsuccessful attempts, years ago, to get revenge. I suppose I knew none of them would work, but it was cathartic to invent the scams and to try them out. His uptight Scottish staff didn’t take to these well. They knew it was me behind them, but didn’t know what I’d suffered as a child in Canada.

The man stirs. He looks at me. I freeze. He picks up an envelope and grunts, thrusting it towards me with unexpected energy. My curiosity gets the better of me and I find the courage to take it from him. As I back away, he makes impatient gestures with his gnarled hands which I take to mean I should open it.

I’m convinced that I won’t like what I’m about to read, but I’m wrong. It’s a letter of apology, with his shaky, but discernible, signature, witnessed by a lawyer as if it is a legal document. The last sentence states that I am to receive eighty percent of his fortune, rather than the zero percent I was explicitly informed of when I left him.

He holds out another envelope, brown and bulky, shaking it with impatience. I take the lumpy package from him and open it, finding the infamous sling-shot inside along with a note. The writing is spidery but I can make out the words. It says that he would understand if I want revenge and that, if I get a good shot I might do both of us a favour by expediting the end.

I can’t do it. And I can’t thank him for the promise of inheritance, nor for the written apology. After all, he murdered my mother and he knows that I saw what happened. I turn and leave, longing for fresh air and desperate to return to Canada.

Avarice

October 2017

The man lay motionless in the hospital bed, the muted beams of light reflecting off the myriad of tubes which entered various parts of his body. Jeannie stood over her father, looking down on his immobile form with its expressionless, but distorted, face. It was a shock to see this powerful, imposing figure of a man lying as if dead.

Jeannie’s hands grabbed the bedrails, turning her knuckles white, and clenched her teeth, making her jaw ache. She was aware that the medical staff were concerned that there could be brain damage from the beating. The puffy swelling around Max’s eyes and the large lump on his temple, as well as the cuts and abrasions which were at the center of each bruise, told the story of the brutality of the attack.

Jeannie understood the concern about brain damage, but couldn’t quell an overwhelming conviction that her father’s brain was fine. What she was truly anxious and concerned about was what her husband, Mick, would do next. And this realization brought an emotional wave of regret and fear, which washed over Jeannie, almost paralyzing her. She worked hard to try to ignore the feelings, tried to argue that they were irrational. But she couldn’t.

Max was a successful stockbroker and savvy investor. He had accumulated millions and was known to be a wealthy, as well as influential, man. But he didn’t believe in giving hand-outs to his children. He wanted them to build careers of their own, and to learn to stand on their own two feet, as he put it.

Jeannie’s passion was art, specifically watercolours. She had an eye for perspective and could draw well, but her talents lay in the mixing of the vibrant colours of nature and in the capture of the contrasting shades of natural light. Her pictures were popular, but she lived modestly. Mick ran an art gallery in town and exhibited some of her paintings, which is how they met.

It was soon after their first meeting that Mick asked about her father. She remembered, as she stood in the monochromatic hospital room, how Mick had taken a particular interest in her after that. Max’s success was no secret of course, and Jeannie had made it a practice to be cautious about relationships because she was acutely aware of the powerful allure of money. But she allowed her infatuation with Mick to grow, and she became besotted. Max had not been happy with the news that they were getting married and, as he and Jeannie discussed it, she realized that there was a seed of doubt inside her. But she quashed it. She now knew what a terrible mistake that had been.

After the beating, for which there appeared to be no motive, Max had been left for dead by the attacker. The police believed that he had been beaten ruthlessly with a baseball bat. But Max was a tough, fighting man - there was evidence that he used his fists and feet to fight back. And, although he had been found unconscious, there were no broken bones.

Jeannie had known that Mick’s desperate greed for money had been fuelled by the feeling that wealth was almost within reach, and had been exacerbated by Max’s decision to give the newly weds “hand-me-down” crystal, as Mick put it, rather than a couple of million dollars. Jeannie had been aware that this growing avarice threatened to erupt.

As best she could, she satisfied herself that her father was being well cared for and looked comfortable. She unfurled her hands from the bedside rails. She gave her father a light kiss on the largest lump on his forehead, and them picked up the sports bag. She no longer felt as emotional as she had in the morning because she’d made her decision as to how she was going to act. As she entered the hospital corridor, she nodded to the security guard she’d hired, and then walked to the police station.

She gave them Mick’s billy club, the clothes he’d worn the night before, and a complete statement, including details about the physical and emotional abuse she’d suffered. She had prepared most of her statement in writing, using her journal as a reference, and did not stray from her purpose. They said Mick would be brought in for questioning.

Jeannie returned to the hospital again. She knew Max had been heavily sedated, so would not likely be awake, but had hoped to say goodbye in person. She left a card standing on the bedside table which simply said “I love you” and returned to her car. She retrieved her suitcase and walked to the bus station. She has not been seen since.

That Morning

September 2017

Terry felt omnipotent as he sat in his large, over-stuffed wing-backed armchair. He was a self-made man and proud of it. He ran his businesses with a tight fist, demanding loyalty, dedication and hard work from every single one of his employees. He expected them to pay attention to the details since he had no time to niggle over petty trifles. After all, he had an empire to run and was the big-picture guy.

He was a success in his own eyes in everything he did, not just his business ventures. He’d married Marjorie three years earlier and she was a good catch. She was the epitome of the perfect housewife. It didn’t take much to train her to make his coffee how he liked it, to iron his shirts with the creases in the right places, to polish his shoes so they gleamed, and to do the myriad of other duties he expected. And the house was clean, at least as far as he could tell, and the garden looked cared for.

He wasn’t interested in having children. He thought it was considerate of him to think of the impact that children would have on Marjorie’s life. After all, she would be compelled to continue with her current duties since he couldn’t be inconvenienced or his schedule disrupted in any way. There wouldn’t be time for children. To make absolutely certain this didn’t happen, he had taken a mistress called Melody. She’d approached him when he was at his favourite pub for a drink one afternoon about a year ago. It was indeed fortuitous. She knew how to satisfy him and the arrangement worked very well. Marjorie could get chores done while he was out.

So, when Terry looked at himself in the mirror that morning, he was pretty pleased with his life and was content, yes, content was the right word.

Marjorie kept a journal. It was well hidden. Her cousin had told her that it could be therapeutic to write regularly about one’s daily life. She had to do something to help calm her seething rage and burning resentment. She was nothing but a slave to this uncaring, ugly and self-satisfied man. But she didn’t have the courage to leave. In those days, to her knowledge, there weren’t any women’s shelters. In any case, he was rarely physically abusive – only if she made mistakes, like when she was late with his coffee, and when his supper wasn’t hot enough. And she certainly wasn’t about to crash at her cousin’s place – for one thing, her cousin ran her business out of her home. So, she had nowhere to go.

But, that morning, she saw him looking in the mirror with a conceited smirk on his face which incited her hatred. The loathing bubbled and effervesced inside her. She was not going to take this any longer. She would do what she and her cousin had schemed a little more than a year ago. At the time, Marjorie played along but all the while believed that she would never to be able to follow through. She lacked the courage, which was compounded by the fact that she’d been a dependent her whole life. It was just too scary.

But that morning was the turning point. And there was no going back in Marjorie’s mind.

She put on her white cotton gloves, the large head scarf she detested, and her sunglasses. She walked down the street, along an alleyway and climbed some stone steps. She retrieved the key from under the mat, let herself in and went upstairs. She found what she wanted in her cousin Melody’s top dresser drawer.

Back at home she poured the whisky just how Terry liked it, having the ice on hand to add just as he walked through the door. She handed him the cut-glass tumbler and, as usual, he didn’t acknowledge her as he sank into his armchair. He took a couple of gulps and swallowed, and then let out a sigh of contentment.

She reached under the sofa cushion, pulled out the derringer and pointed it at him. She had only one shot, so she had to do it right. She aimed for his cold heart and pulled the trigger before he had time to register that something wasn’t right, and killed him.

Marjorie dropped the gun onto the floor, picked up her bag and walked to the bus station. With one month’s worth of housekeeping money she had enough to make it to Mexico. No-one would miss him until the morning. And, perhaps, no-one would miss him at all.

Bianca

August 2017

James stood in front of the swirls of colour, randomly intertwining, threatening to jump off the canvas. So, this is psychedelic art, he muttered as he slapped the catalogue against his thigh. He let out a sigh and turned away, unable to appreciate either the vibrancy or the creativity mentioned in the catalogue.

“I heard that sigh. I’m Mandy Burrows, gallery owner.”

“James Fender.”

“Allow me to show you a piece that might capture your interest.”

“Thank you.” James would have much preferred to be at home, sipping a single malt in solitary peace and quiet. But his benevolent donation of five million dollars to the children’s hospital had triggered compelling pleas from hundreds of charities. It was difficult to turn them down. So, he was at an art sale after a long day, to support a family counselling charity he’d only just heard of.

Mandy beckoned him into a smaller room off to the side. A large piece dominated the wall immediately ahead. James gazed at the portrait of a young woman whose face appeared translucent. Her sad, green eyes were captivating and seemed to reflect the shimmering green dress which surrounded her in soft folds.

“You might think this more traditional than the former painting, but the artist has used innovative techniques to capture light and texture. I think the effect is haunting,” Mandy said.

“Who’s the artist? Is he here?” James couldn’t pull his eyes away from the piece.

“She. She signs her paintings with a characteristic ‘B’. Her name is Bianca. I’ll see if I can find her.”

James absent-mindedly took a glass of cool, effervescing champagne from a tray as it appeared in front of him, but his eyes remained fixed on the painting. He reminded himself that he had no appreciation of art, preferring a calm, bland environment in which to unwind after a long, hard business-day.

Bianca’s soft, warm hand appeared and he turned to acknowledge her and let out a faint gasp. He hadn’t anticipated that he’d be staring at the same face as depicted in the picture.

“It’s a self-portrait.” Bianca laughed, tossing her soft brown curls behind her shoulders. “You look shocked.”

“Surprised, perhaps.” James felt a strange heat in his cheeks.

Bianca was much more social and talkative than James had imagined an artist would be. They moved to one of the high tables, grabbing a couple of glasses of champagne on the way. Despite his natural reserve, he opened up and told her about how his father had made millions mostly by being a rogue and a swindler, and how he, James, had used the money to create a fortune, stressing that he followed ethical business practices. His mission was to give back to the community, perhaps to make amends for his father’s behaviour.

Bianca shared that, when she was young, her father lost everything in a get-rich-quick diamond-mining project someone convinced him to put all his money into, but which turned out to be a scam. Her mother became deeply depressed and eventually committed suicide. Bianca found solace in writing and drawing, and then painting in oils. The self-portrait was requested by her father, who died the previous year. Bianca donated the picture to this event since she saw more of herself than she cared to every day in the mirror. Her melodious laugh echoed softly around the large, nearly empty gallery.

“I want to give back to the family counselling charity which helped my father through the death of his wife and the loss of his wealth.”

James’ insides were churning enough to make him feel nauseous. He could guess who Bianca’s father was. But he wouldn’t let his face or body language give him away.

“Are you looking for patrons or sponsors for your art?” James asked, as he finished his third glass of champagne with a steady hand.

“Of course. I don’t know an artist who isn’t.” Her laugh sparkled like the champagne. James looked into her green eyes and turned away as his cheeks flushed again. He was taken aback by the relief and excitement he felt, now that he knew how to make amends for some of his father’s malevolence.

“I’d like to visit your studio and talk. Here’s my card. Give me a call to set something up. I have to find Mandy. I’ve a painting to buy.”

Illegitimate

July 2017

The stink of the seaweed washed-up and left to rot on the pebbled beach overpowers all other aromas as I walk along the slippery cliff path. But the noise of the waves crashing on the red rocks below is quieter, now that the inclement weather has passed and the tide has receded. I have walked this path since I was a young child, often with my Grandfather striding by my side with a store of legends to be told. My late mother forbade him to tell me these tales, so he chose the private time of our walks together to share them.

His favourite story was about Oscar, a Viking from Scandinavia who was a brilliant seafarer and avid trader. After a terrible voyage through unprecedented high seas which capsized his longship off-shore, Oscar was dumped like a piece of driftwood on this very beach. He’d lost his men, the spices he’d purchased with slaves, and his bearings. A fisherman rescued him and gave him shelter. The story goes that the fisherman had a beautiful, young wife called Luella. Grandfather makes particular note of her sparkling green eyes.

He would stress that the fisherman was the salacious one, not the Viking as one might assume. Luella was abused and desperately unhappy, and Oscar was smitten. The Viking could be quite sentimental and charming, and pulled at Luella’s heartstrings.

One early morning, when the sea mist hung to the cliffs and the water was calm, Oscar seized the fisherman’s boat and he and Luella left the coast of Devon behind. Oscar hoped to persuade Luella to settle in Scandinavia, but she couldn’t bear to leave her country, so they landed at a small port on the North Sea coast. Grandfather would point out how indulgent Oscar was, building a castle for her which overlooked the sea, so that she could watch for him returning home from his trading and conquests. Luella was never seen outside of the castle, and there are no pictures of her. They had two illegitimate sons who built on their father’s trading success.

Grandfather would add new details from time to time, but, even though it appeared to be a passion of his, I didn’t find the story particularly exciting.

I’m nearing the end of the cliff path, but I have to tell you what I found out yesterday.

Grandfather died last week and I’m the only family around, so I’m going through his things as I clear out his home ready for sale. In a drawer of the large, dark oak, roll-top desk I found a locked box. Once I managed to pry it open, I discovered a thick, spiral-bound book filled with Grandfather’s writing – his memoir. Curious, I curled up in a chair and read, and am still reeling from what I learned. This is a synopsis of the parts that interested me the most.

My Grandfather, Orville, when a young man, entered a race across the English Channel, from France, in his fifty-five-foot yacht. A violent storm stirred up enormous waves which smashed the boat, and his crew was lost overboard. He managed to cling onto the mast, and was eventually tossed up by the foaming sea, like a piece of driftwood, onto the same red, barnacle-covered rocks I can see from this cliff path. Exhausted, he was crawling through the rotting seaweed which covered the pebbled beach when he saw a fisherman approach, who guided him to his cottage.

The fisherman had a beautiful wife, Lilian. Grandfather fell in love with her, and it wasn’t difficult for him to convince her to leave with him. He couldn’t persuade her to live in France, so they stayed in a hotel for a while, overlooking the sea. But her husband found her, and, when Orville was absent one day, he visited. Grandfather was not away long, and when he returned, he discovered the fisherman wielding a sharp filleting knife, about to stab Lilian who had been brutally beaten and cut. Orville mustered all his strength and wrestled the knife away from the husband, and stabbed him in the neck, killing him.

Grandfather built a mansion for Lilian, providing every comfort he could think of. She could always be found there. No mirrors were allowed, so that she would never have to see her disfigured face. I had been sceptical of the reason Grandfather had given for Grandmother’s scars. I was told that she had fallen down the stairs.

I feel like a fool for not picking up on the clues in Grandfather’s story of Oscar.

I have wondered where Grandfather’s wealth came from, and he would give a different, incredible answer each time I asked. And the tale of Oscar doesn’t help me. But earlier in his memoir he writes of his birth into a wealthy, aristocratic French family living in opulence in the outskirts of Paris. I now realize I’d been oblivious to his muted accent and to the origins of much of the contents of his mansion.

Grandfather and Grandmother never married, which makes my mother illegitimate. It must be a family tradition, because my mother didn’t marry my father, and I have no idea who he is or was. And that’s a story my Grandfather doesn’t tell.

Melanie

June 2017

It was like walking the plank, or what Jackdaw assumed it would be like. He wasn’t sure if a person doomed to the depths would have been blindfolded, but he wished he could be blind to what was coming. He saw clearly in his mind’s eye the end of the plank, the end of his relationship with Melanie, and the dark depths of despair that would follow. He’d be swimming around like a lost fish, alone, in darkness and with no escape.

Jackdaw sat on the dock watching the seagulls as they floated down to the various yachts, squawking and then landing, each leaving a pasty white mark. But their antics weren’t enough to distract him from what had happened during the past couple of months. It was all too much for him to digest.

He grieved the fact that he’d no longer be able to find solace on the sea, his refuge and escape.

Out at sea, he could leave his worries behind him, a trite sentiment, but true. Sailing his yacht, catching the wind, feeling the bracing salt air, would always clear his mind and settle his spirit. He could manage the twenty-two-foot yacht on his own. Jackdaw had the innate ability to sense a change in the wind almost before it happened, and to accurately judge swell, tides and currents. He treated the sea with the respect it demanded, and stayed safe. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t enjoy some spectacular and thrilling sails, with the water running along the gunnel and the boat leaning heavily as it sliced through the waves.

He’d needed those escapes. And his bones ached as he contemplated the time ahead. He wouldn’t feel Melanie moving underneath him ever again. But, of course, it served him right. He shouldn’t have been such a rogue.

He was paying a hefty price for being a businessman who was willing to take risks. He was an excellent salesman. He’d developed a method which worked because just about everyone dreams of getting rich quick. The most recent business venture he planned to get off the ground was a green energy project involving the construction of a vast floating platform on which windmills would be installed. His perfect sales pitch never failed. Of course, he’d done his research and approached people he thought would take the bait and made the promise of huge returns on a relatively small investment. But he’s not called Jackdaw for nothing. He pocketed some of the money for himself, since he’d done all the work. That would have been okay except that the Canadian Government had agreed to be a significant partner and there was an audit, which Jackdaw hadn’t taken seriously and thought he could charm his way through. He got caught.

Jackdaw closed his eyes, but opened them as if he’d been stabbed. He’d been hit by a determination to do something. Although his whole body felt charged by electricity, he moved slowly, but deliberately towards his penthouse condo. He threw a few clothes and some basic food supplies into his large backpack and struggled along the dock towards his dinghy. The row out to Melanie was exhilarating, liberating. The salt air cleared his head and brightened his eyes.

He tied the dinghy to the back of the yacht, flung his backpack up onto the deck and climbed on board.

Melanie had never let him down. He set the sails and breathed the bracing sea air, confident that Melanie would take him to safety.

Cowboy

May 2017

Brandy sat tall on his chestnut quarter horse, holding the reins in one hand, with his hat tipped back on his head. Despite the outward appearance of nonchalance, he felt as if he had a bunch of macramé in his abdomen. He’d hoped and prayed that it had been his imagination, which can be vivid at times. The flashing lights, the whirring and the hissing - it had all of the characteristics he would have expected a flying saucer to have, as it landed with a whoosh in his corn field the night before.

In the early morning light he could see a distinct circle, about sixty feet in diameter, where the corn stubble was crushed. He could smell scorched earth and burnt stalks, the acrid scents overpowering the smell of his horse’s sweat.

He dismounted, landing softly on the ground, and looped the reins over the pummel of his well-worn saddle. Perhaps all these years of being a cowboy, out in the elements, had addled his brain. He shuddered and told himself that he had seen, heard and smelled evidence of this thing, whatever it was.

Brandy scoured the ground, looking for some tangible physical evidence, something he could hold in his sweaty hands – something to back up his story. He kicked at the roots of the burnt stubble, not knowing what he hoped to find.

An ATV veered off the road, churning up dust as it tore towards him. The man wore sunglasses and a black shirt which billowed as it captured the hot air. Brandy could sense the man’s intensity, as well as his determination to reach him. He grabbed his horse’s reins, assuming that the man had no horse-sense and was likely to skid to a halt right under his horse’s nose. The ATV stopped, in a cloud of corn bits and pieces and brown dust, just five feet from them.

“Hi,” Brandy said, without moving a muscle.

“Hi. You have a meeting with Brigadier General Smythe.”

“You have the wrong guy.”

“I’ve been given orders to get you to the air force base, pronto.”

“Can’t be me.”

“You must follow me on your horse to your house, and then ride with me from there.”

“How do you know where I live?”

“Part of my orders.”

Brandy wanted to ask if it had anything to do with the flying saucer, but thought better of it.

“Identification?”

The man handed Brandy his identification card, which appeared authentic.

“We have to go,” the man said. “It’s a matter of national security.”

“What happens if I refuse?”

“You’ll be arrested.”

“I’ve done nothing wrong.”

“You will have if you don’t come with me.”

Brandy mounted his faithful and trusting horse, and followed the ATV back to his house. As soon as he got behind the man he had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He felt a loss of control which set off feelings of anxiety. He was being taken somewhere he didn’t want to go, and his imagination began to created various scenarios. One being that, because of what he’d seen, he would be incarcerated in solitary confinement for the rest of his life. He was a cowboy, for God’s sake. He lived for the open air, the freedom, the peace and yes, the hard work. His horse was his constant companion.

He was on the verge of having a full-fledged panic attack by the time he met with the Brigadier General in his large office. But there was an atmosphere of professionalism and dignity, which calmed his racing heart and quelled his alarmist thoughts.

The Brigadier General politely asked questions about what he’d seen the night before. He wanted specific details, including sounds and smells. Brandy’s memory was clear and he volunteered everything he remembered, including what he’d observed just before the ATV charged into his field.

Feeling utterly relieved, he left the office and was escorted by the man dressed in black, back out through the gates.

“Aren’t you going to give me a lift back to my house?” Brandy asked.

“No. Orders.”

“I have to walk?”

“No, your horse is waiting for you at the corner ahead.”

Brandy was incredulous. Some of the alarmist thoughts returned and intensified as he walked the two miles to the intersection on the hot, dusty road, with sweat pouring down his back. He half expected a fighter plane to dive out of the sky and finish him off. But, sure enough, his horse was waiting obediently for him.

He set his horse off at a lope toward his house, but it had gone. The ground was levelled. The corn field behind where the house had stood, was ablaze. It was as if he’d been evicted from his own property.

He knew why they’d done it. It was a warning not to say anything to anyone, and in the process, they’d got rid of any evidence that might have been there.

Brandy put his fingers round the curious piece of metal, which felt a bit like rubber, that he had in his pocket. He picked up his horse’s reins and turned their heads towards town. He would chat with his girlfriend, who was a darn good journalist.

Molly

April 2017

Gertie knows she’s chilled, but has no idea how long she’s been sitting on the cold, cast-iron chair. The patio is positioned on the side of the large, stone house which faces the sea. If Gertie stands on the edge of the patio, she can feel the sea’s pull, and sense the height of the cliffs, as the wind catches her breath and tosses her long, blonde hair into her face. The rocks far below are in constant flux, appearing above, and then disappearing below, the frothy, salty power of the waves.

The smell of the seaweed and sting of the salt air is no comfort to her this morning. Her heart is broken and it’s as if her soul has flown away. There is nothing worth living for. Her only daughter, Pam, has been injured by someone driving a Land Rover, as she was walking down the lane towards the village, looking for her spaniel, Basil, who’d run off again.

Pam is only twenty-seven, with her whole life ahead of her. Gertie’s thoughts revolve in circles, increasing in intensity, eating away at every organ in her body. She’s convinced that Pam won’t make it. She stands up, shaking, and takes small, but deliberate steps to the edge of the patio, and hesitates, looking out to sea, as a numbness takes hold of her.

A red squirrel, carrying an acorn in its mouth, runs across her foot, catching her attention. It’s so unusual to see squirrels on top of the cliff, and red squirrels are especially rare. The oak trees grow a good distance away from the burning salt air, nearer to the edge of the village with its thatched rooves, white-washed walls and climbing roses. For a split second, the surprise visit by the squirrel lifts her gloom. It’s as if the pending doom she expects, has been suspended by invisible strings, hovering above her. But it comes crashing back down, swamping her in darkness. She takes a step to the very edge of the cliff.

A voice reaches her, as if from a distance, muffled by the wind, and she feels a light touch on her arm. Molly hands her a cardigan, not able to hide her red eyes and puffy face, despite her valiant attempts. Gertie is surprised that she finds some solace in someone else, albeit her housekeeper, sharing her sorrow, feeling the pain, understanding. She steps back onto the patio.

Molly tells her that the hospital is on the phone which is on the cast-iron table by the house. Gertie picks it up, convinced that the news will be dire. She’s dreaded this day. She knew it would happen. She drops the phone when she hears Pam’s voice. Molly picks it up and, incredibly, Pam’s still talking, telling her mother that she’s not ready to croak yet, and that she’ll be fine. Just a broken rib and some bruises.

Gertie mumbles something incoherent and collapses.

Molly has worked with Gertie for nearly thirty years and is well aware of her employer’s inability to cope with any stress, and her over-reaction and exaggeration. She’s not surprised that Pam being hurt would cause Gertie to jump to the conclusion that her daughter is about to die. But, as Molly would have guessed, Gertie hasn’t visited her in hospital, preferring to wallow in despair and self-pity at home.

Molly finds it more and more impossible to tolerate Gertie’s extreme reactions to all the little ups and downs that happen every day. And the woman has no concern for anyone else, including the dog.

She reflects that it would have been so easy to push Gertie off the cliff. No-one would have suspected a thing. Gertie has threatened to jump several times, to end it all. But Molly let the opportunity pass. As she handed Gertie her cardigan, she knew she could never do it.

The only living thing in the house that Molly cares about is Basil. He’s a special dog. His unconditional love, his playfulness and his desire to please despite all the odds, is like a life-line for Molly. And now he’s run off. Who can blame him?

She helps Gertie back to bed, packs her bags and gets into the Land Rover to search for Basil. Rather than bumping off Gertie and Pam and enjoying the inheritance she is due, her new plan is to steal the Land Rover, find the dog and start a new life somewhere as far away from this hell-hole as possible.

Obsession

March 2017

I’m back in the house where I was raised, clearing everything out so that it can be sold. It’s cramped, cold and dingy, just as I remember it when I left, fifty-four years ago. I recall living in a hard, frugal environment, with parents obsessed with making-do with almost nothing. I have no idea how much money came in, but I know for certain very little was spent. I was permitted either margarine or jam on my day-old bread, I had only one pair of shoes, my clothes were second-hand and were mended and patched, and I was often cold because coal was expensive.

I was ashamed of myself and of them.

I held a private celebration that day when I left. I had a flask of milk to toast my freedom, along with an apple. But in the light of the bright red sunrise the next morning, I rose off the park bench, stiff and cold. The rebel in me was less enthusiastic about starting a new life on his own, when faced with the reality of no food and no shelter. But there was no turning back, so I walked and walked until I came across a garden nursery hiring people to repot plants. I was sure that I’d be a strong candidate since I’d worked for hours in my parents’ garden as well as in their small, humid greenhouse, growing and nurturing vegetables from seed.

I got the job, not so much for my skills and knowledge, but because I was willing to work long hours for little pay. I found a boarding house which had a dark, damp, closet-sized room with one light-bulb dangling from the ceiling on a cobweb-wrapped cord. The bulb danced every time I shut the door, but the cobweb stayed put. My mother had kept our meagre house clean. I couldn’t get used to living amongst other people’s filth, odour and garbage.

I moved up in the garden centre world and my last job was Manager of Bowden Tree Nursery, which grows thousands of trees for the wholesale market. This job would have been my favourite one if it hadn’t been for my boss. He was thirty years my junior but thought he knew everything. He didn’t, of course, and wouldn’t listen to anyone, especially me. I hear the place has gone bankrupt and the bank is selling it.

I didn’t see either of my parents after I left, and they didn’t come looking for me. I’ve never been far away. I could have been found and I can’t say there wasn’t a small part of me which was hurt. Perhaps they enjoyed the reduction in expense.

I’m here clearing out the house because my mother has died at the ripe old age of ninety-three. I think my father died when he was ninety-four. Perhaps their economical, thrifty existence extended their life-spans, but I’m hoping it’s mostly due to their genes, because I’ve just turned seventy and I want to live a lot longer.

This house won’t fetch much, even in this market. It’s a tear-down since it hasn’t been maintained and it’s so small. The roof has been leaking, creating havoc with the ceilings. And blackening wallpaper is peeling off the walls revealing crumbling plaster riddled with cracks. Without the mould spores, my parents might have lived into their hundreds. But my mother had apparently managed to sweep the floors, dust the sparse furniture, and scrub the front doorstep until her dying day.

I open the freezer. My parents did spend money on a second-hand chest-freezer to preserve home-grown vegetables. I find it devoid of food except for three bags of ice-coated green beans and a white plastic bag. I toss the beans into the garbage and reach for the bag. It contains something flat and square, and I have trouble lifting it up. Newspaper is wrapped round the contents, which is firmly held in place with rough gardening twine.

I tear off some of the newspaper and find wads of bills. At a rough guess, I’d say there has to be at least $100,000. I can’t stop my hands from shaking and my legs from trembling. Money is the last thing I expected to find in this house. I ask myself if there might be more hidden in other places.

I find similar amounts under the mattress in pillow cases, in cracked mason jars in the greenhouse, in an old pressure cooker under the sink, and smaller amounts in various tins, and about $50,000 in an old coal scuttle in the corner of the cellar.

It’s taken me two days to scour the house and its contents, and I’ve returned from the bank for the last time, having deposited $1.2million. And my friends all think I’ve lost my sanity because I’m going to buy Bowden Tree Nursery. I’m counting on my genes to let me live long enough to make it a tremendous success, and I plan to have lots of fun in the process.

The Scarf

February 2017

The deep notch in the rough bark of the maple tree is an eyesore. Melanie can’t bear to look at it, but it’s hard not to, because the tree grows in her backyard. The wound is ugly and weeps sticky sap down the tree’s trunk, just like the tears running down her hot cheeks. The damage to her beautiful tree stands as a symbol, a stabbing reminder of what has gone wrong with her life.

A life which once had been full of promise, of hopes and dreams - she would escape from the controlling domination of her parents and get married to a man who cared about her as a person. They would build a home together and live happily ever after.

And she’d thought that their love would endure any adversity thrown at it, but, looking back, she sees that it took very little to unravel her plans - a scarf.

She’d woven a scarf on her loom with lovingly-selected colours, using a pattern which brought them into play in an artistic and pleasing way. She’d planned on posting photographs of the scarf on her blog, as well as adding them to her binder, which she’d packed with samples and pictures to show potential customers.

But Simon had hated the scarf, and hadn’t even attempted to show appreciation for it. In fact, he’d chucked it down the wrought-iron spiral staircase onto the floor of the foyer in his parents’ house, on the day when his mother had laid on a birthday lunch for him. He’d told Melanie that he couldn’t understand what made her think that he’d wanted a scarf. He wouldn’t be seen dead in one, and she should know these things.

His outburst should have set off alarm bells, but Melanie is sensitive to the fact that each person’s taste in art can be vastly different. And she considered the scarf to be a work of art. She retrieved it, and stowed it in a box in her closet.

Although she didn’t realize it at the time, the worst part of the episode wasn’t the rejection of the scarf. Through what Melanie had thought was harmless chit-chat with Simon’s mother during the birthday lunch, her passion for weaving came out. She’d not shared this with Simon. In fact, she’d not shared much, or any, of her hopes, dreams and loves with Simon, but she knew everything about him. Had she ever really talked to him? Had he ever truly listened?

Simon’s mother had asked about the loom, how large it was, how much noise it made and how much space her weaving took up.

A couple of days later, she and Simon had watched as large wrecking equipment lumbered and rumbled on the lot that they’d bought. The old clapboard bungalow had been slated for demolition that day and Simon had been excited to see it go down, shattering to pieces. But Melanie couldn’t help wondering who’d lived there, what their hopes and dreams had been, and what joys and happiness they’d had in their lives. Something about the bungalow had appealed to Melanie. It was innocent and humble, and held treasured memories.

Simon hadn’t been able to talk for a while. The noise had been too loud as walls collapsed in front of them, and he’d been too excited to speak.

But, when the noise had subsided, he’d told her that, of course, she couldn’t have the loom in their new house. There wouldn’t be enough space for such a large thing, and besides, he couldn’t possibly put up with the racket from all the clicking and clacking.

She’d turned away from him just as the bulldozer had started to flatten the backyard. Its blade hit the maple tree, making its leaves tremble. She’d felt an immediate kinship with the tree and her insides had quivered as she’d scanned the devastation in front of her and she’d absorbed the reality of the kind of man who had stood next to her.

She’d watched the maple tree settle and had realized there had been no love in her relationship with Simon, and what was most important to her was the freedom to be herself.

She has bought him out, and has obtained permission to park a house trailer on the lot until she has the deposit towards the construction of a house. She plans to build a small, unpretentious clapboard house, similar to the one that Simon had watched being destroyed with so much glee.

She wipes the tears from her face. At least she’ll have her own castle where she can weave new hopes and dreams with warm colours and soft textures, making as much noise as she wants.

Copyright 2017 Vicky Earle

Candy Shop

January 2017

Mrs. Brigit’s candy shop is the only one in town. And now it’s going. And I’ve been assigned to write an article to be printed in the local newspaper, about its demise.

Things are changing too quickly for me. This candy shop was the centre of my life while I was growing up, and is still part of my routine, as I buy candy each Friday from Mrs. Brigit’s daughter for my grandchildren. I confess that I buy toffee for myself, too. She makes it herself and stores it in a big glass jar with an enormous screw-top lid, which I couldn’t get my hand around even if I was desperate.

The newspaper’s going down the tubes as well. That’s not quite true, I suppose, but it’s only going to be on-line, or off-print, which is a shame. We’re being educated on how to use on-line media. The articles are shorter and there’s less interest in the kind of investigative journalism I like to do. You know, finding out why the Bank Manager left town suddenly, or why the train crashed at the railway crossing just outside town. I’m glad I wasn’t one of the poor souls who was aboard. I like digging into that sort of event, peering under every stone, and finding out the true story behind it. I’m sure it helps somehow.

I watch Gertie stock candy jars with the same quick, fluid movements of her hands and wrists that her mother used, as she grabs handfuls of the sweet treats and drops them into the large, glass containers.

“I hope this isn’t the last time you’ll be doing that,” I say as I move closer to the counter.

“’Fraid it probably is.” She doesn’t look up.

“I’m sorry to hear that your shop is closing. I’m here to write a short article for the paper.”

“There’s nothing to say. I’m closing. That’s about it.”

“Rumour has it that the business is bankrupt and you’re about to liquidate everything.”

“Hah. That’s the rumour is it?” Gertie looks up, her pale face punctuated by dark eyes and a small nose.

“So, that isn’t true then?”

“No.”

“Can you tell me what’s really happening? This shop means a lot to many people. It’s sure sad to see it go. And you’ve been so supportive of the community.”

“I like to think so, but it didn’t do me any good.”

“What do you mean?”

Gertie slams one of the screw-top lids down on the dark wooden counter and stares at me for three long seconds. I suppose she’s deciding whether or not to tell me what’s going on.

“That new fancy convenience store at Main and Brook Streets is determined to capture the market. They want it all.”

“But why would you leave because of them?”

“I can’t tell you any more. You can’t print anything. Sorry.” She turns her back to me. I’m sure she’s crying as she unpacks boxes of brightly-coloured suckers.

“So, why are you stocking the jars?” I can’t leave without trying to get the whole story.

“Because I want to leave the shop in perfect order.” She sniffs but doesn’t turn around. Her rounded shoulders are hunched over the boxes, but she’s barely moving.

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t want to remember the shop as an empty shell. And I owe it to my mother.” She turns to face me with red eyes and tears running down her cheeks. I scramble to think of the right thing to say, and it doesn’t come. I walk behind the counter and take her into my arms. She feels warm and soft, and smells of strawberries and toffee.

I step back and look at her.

“What’s happening to the shop, then?”

“They found some legal thing. I don’t understand it, but they said I can’t operate here any more. They bought it for peanuts.” She wipes her face with the sleeve of her sweater. “I couldn’t fight it. I don’t have what it takes, the money or the strength to deal with people like them.”

“I get it. I have an idea though. It’s crazy, but it might be better than nothing.”

“Anything would be better than this. They say they’re going to bulldoze this place and build a parking lot. What am I going to do with myself?”

“I’ve got space at my farm. It’s a heated and air-conditioned workshop that I never use. What if you went on-line? I could deliver once a day in town. You could do more of your gift baskets and more of your specialty candies, like your home-made toffee. It would be small at first, but I’m sure it would grow.”

“That’s good of you, but I’ve no idea how to go on-line, as you put it. And why would you want to help?”

“Because I like your toffee.”

Gertie smiles.

And that’s, in a nutshell, how the seeds of the on-line success of Gertie’sCandies.ca were sown, and why I resigned from the newspaper.

The Winner

December 2016

He puffs on the fat cigar, his paunch touching the rail, as he peers over the immaculate ponds and gardens. He lunges into his pocket as if he’s just remembered that he has his binoculars with him. I can clearly see the holes in the lining of his worn tweed jacket as it flaps open. I doubt he can see much because the cigar smoke is being wafted into his face by the gentle breeze, and the sun is bright enough to make his temples gleam.

Soon, the thoroughbreds will be making the turn for home. As he follows the ten horses, I can almost feel his sense of resignation. He has had a long stretch of losses. None of the horses he trains has won any money. In other words, not one has come in the top five of any race this year, and it’s only four weeks from the end of the racing season. His horse is running at 50:1.

This man used to be a legend. It was rumoured that he could communicate with his horses, that he had an intuitive perception of what was ailing them or what they needed to be successful racehorses.

But then his wife left him. I saw her get on a Greyhound bus, headed for Las Vegas. She said she wanted more excitement in her life. He hadn’t seen it coming.

He’s such a private man, he’s never talked about it, not even with me, but I know that her leaving shattered his world as he knew it. About the only thing that’s remained the same is the pleasure he gets from smoking a cigar when he’s standing at the rail, as he is today.

He wasn’t prepared for the dirty divorce. He didn’t have the heart to fight, so he lost a lot. He moved into an austere apartment close to the track, cut back on expenses, cut back on living. Except that he took to eating as a way of consoling himself, taking comfort in fatty fast foods and lots of cream and sugar in countless coffees. His paunch grew, and his clothes stretched.

The saddest thing is that he became somewhat of an automaton, rather than the feeling, sensitive, intuitive trainer he had been. Success at the races has alluded him ever since.

His wife left about a year ago and I’ve decided that it’s time for things to change. I want to stop his spiral downwards and this is the start. I button up my linen jacket, confident that I’ll be in the winner’s circle in about five minutes.

The horses’ hooves are thundering on the turf, throwing divots up in the air behind them. The beautiful chestnut filly with a broad white flash on her face is taking the lead. I knew she would.

My father drops his binoculars, so they hang round his neck and sit on his paunch. He pulls the cigar out of his mouth and starts to yell her name, cheering her on, over and over, and almost choking on his words. I’m almost choking on my tears.

I admit that I used my knowledge as a veterinarian to dose the filly with something which would give her an advantage. I’m an ethical person and don’t believe in cheating, but I had no choice. It was the only way I could think of to help avert my father’s spiral downwards into deep depression. Something good had to happen. Something had to be done to restore hope and optimism. And she’s a good filly. She’ll do well without my help, once Dad’s back on track, so to speak.

As I smile at the camera in the winner’s circle, with my father’s arm around my waist, I have no regrets. The horse looks good, and I know that they won’t detect the drug.

My father’s smile is worth the risk.

He moved like a tortoise does in cold weather - slow and deliberate. No-one knew how old he was, or where he’d come from. He’d just turned up in town one sunny day, rented an apartment above the hardware store, and spent time at the bar across the street. Otherwise, he’d plod down the main street towards the cemetery, or ride his bike slowly along the lakeshore path. People said he hardly talked at all, and most agreed that he was aloof, impossible to get to know.

That summer, I had a college assignment for an introductory psychology course. It had to be about memory. It was a vague assignment and I had been at a loss, until I saw the man cross the street from the bar to the door which led to the stairs to his apartment, his short grey hair ruffled in the breeze.

I dodged a couple of cars and rushed to his side. As I approached, I noticed that his shirt was clean, pressed, and a crisp white. His khaki shorts looked as if they’d been tailored especially for him, and his toenails were manicured, clean, short and even.

He looked at me with curiosity and questioning in his green eyes.

I garbled my words, rushing to get out why I’d run over to talk with him. Despite my fumbles, he nodded and beckoned me to follow. We ascended the dark staircase. He unlocked a battered door at the top and switched on bright, strategically-placed lighting.

I gasped.

The walls were covered by paintings. I stood stock still while my eyes soaked in the magic. Each masterpiece was created with artistic talent and immense sensitivity, yet the subjects of the paintings were pretty mundane – such as a burro laden with sheaves of hay, standing by a tent.

I don’t know how long I’d been standing there, but the man gave me a nudge and handed me a glass of water. I thanked him as he gestured to me to sit down.

“Now, young man, what you see on these walls represent my memories. Memories of a wonderful and exciting life on archaeological expeditions. My wife was the artist, who captured where we went, all around the world, but mostly South America. As far as memory, for your project, the paintings are my stimuli, reminding me of the places, what we did, what we found and how we lived.”

“So, why are you here?”

“It’s as good a place as any.”

“I don’t buy that. There must be a reason.”

“Bit brazen, aren’t you? That’s okay. I’m here because my wife’s buried in the cemetery. She was born here, and wanted to be buried here.”

“What happened?”

“I miss her every day.”

“You can’t forget what happened, can you?”

“I must not forget. She died because she was on a dig with me. She was absorbed in her painting, and we assume she didn’t see the venomous snake. We couldn’t save her. That’s the unfinished painting there.”

“Perhaps you should give the paintings to a gallery and make a fresh start.”

“No, I’d feel as if my heart and soul were being torn out of me. I don’t want to forget.”

I will always remember that afternoon. I got A for my assignment.

Transformation

October 2016

Some said he was the epitome of an encyclopaedia salesman. His pants were shiny with wear, his loafers were dull, crying out for nourishment, and his jacket was patched at the elbows. The harder he worked, it seemed to him, the harder it was to make a living. No-one liked a stranger knocking on their door, whatever time of day or evening it was. In the good old days, when he started out with high hopes and big dreams, he would more often than not be invited in, even offered a cup of tea or coffee, and, in enough cases, they ordered a set of encyclopaedias. So he made a reasonable living, for a while.

But instead of a steady growth in business, there was an unwavering decline. He hadn’t seen it coming. He admitted he had had his head in the sand. He didn’t understand the technological age, and the world-wide web was scary as hell. And he couldn’t grasp why people weren’t interested in reference books any more, or why he had the door slammed in his face so many times.

On a particularly bad day, one man barked at him that the only place for encyclopaedias was in the museum. That confrontation - that’s what it felt like to him - rattled him so much that he stopped. He stopped even trying. It was the last straw.

He thought he would end up on the shelf in the museum along with his beloved books. And, perhaps if he hadn’t met Michelle, he might very well have done.

That evening he decided, against his better judgement, to go to the local pub for a beer.

He felt lost. He couldn’t imagine himself doing anything other than selling encyclopaedias, however hard he tried. His brain wouldn’t tolerate anything else being considered, not that anything feasible came to mind.

He’d heard that a drink could loosen you up, get you thinking out of the box. What a ridiculous term, but when he thought about it, he did feel as if he was trapped in a box.

Michelle was sitting at a table about fifteen feet away from him.

He was at the bar, not knowing where else to sit, and not wanting to feel completely alone, although he was used to being on his own.

Being alone is much worse when there are so many people surrounding you, especially if they’re having fun. And Michelle and her friends were having fun. The word “rowdy” came to mind as he slowly sipped his beer.

He jumped out of his skin and was close to falling off his stool, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Michelle smiled at him as he turned, startled.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you. Just thought you might like to join us.” Before he could answer, she’d grabbed his hand and was leading him back to her friends. Someone had found a chair for him.

He’d never been in a situation like this. What are you supposed to say? How are you supposed to act? He was peeping out of his box. It was terrifying.

He sipped his beer. No-one asked him anything. They chatted and laughed, ordered more drinks, passed around their phones with the latest photos on, in case someone wasn’t up to date with their posts on various social media.

He began to enjoy himself. It was if a congealed crust was peeling away from all of his senses. And he was sure it wasn’t the beer since he’d only drunk half. No-one put any pressure on him to say anything or do anything. He began to unwind.

But then Michelle turned to him and asked him where he worked. Before he could tie himself up in knots, he surprised himself with the reply that he was “in between jobs”. He’d heard that somewhere.

Oh great, she said. He turned to her, wondering why she would think it was great.

She asked him if he had any experience with marketing. Well, he had, sort of. She explained that they were putting together a team to develop and implement a marketing strategy for the railway company. Would he like to be interviewed, say Friday at 3pm?

He’s never moved so fast in his life. He bought a new suit and new shoes. But the most time-consuming thing was learning how to use a smart phone and getting some education on the internet. He found Wikipedia and it blew him away. Now he realized!

He didn’t look back. And now, as you probably know, he’s one of the leading social media gurus, and a leading-edge consultant on new marketing skills using online tools.

And Michelle is one of his partners.

And he wears very shiny brogues.

Basil's Healing Powers

August 2016

Mandy wanted to pick the large, luscious dandelion which was growing between the patio stones. She wanted to put it in a vase so she could gaze at its sunny face and count its petals to help pass the time. As she bent down and reached for it, a shrill voice shattered her thoughts and brought her down to the hard, lonely reality. She was not permitted to pick anything. Then followed a lecture on plants and flowers, how they grew and how they should be left to grow, their need for nitrogen from the soil, and oxygen from the air. Mandy covered her ears and ran into the great, grey stone house.

Her Great Aunt didn’t want to look after anyone, and certainly not a ten-year-old girl. The prospect of having her for the whole summer sent shudders down her spine. Mandy’s precociousness and curiosity terrified Eunice. And the worst of it was that the girl had had the audacity to ask her why she hadn’t married. The nerve.

Eunice couldn’t sleep that night. Memories of Donald, of their brief happiness together and the music they’d danced to, waltzed in her head. But so did the telegram bringing her the worst news imaginable. Donald had been killed in combat, and she would never be in his arms again. She vowed that she would on no occasion ever let another man touch her, and she’d kept her promise.

Mandy’s spirits were consistently doused by Eunice’s cold, resentful demeanour. She felt clammy and shaky, knowing she was unwanted. Her parents had abandoned her, visiting her much older brother who was studying art in Paris, and then they planned to see Europe, whatever that meant.

Mandy needed to hug Basil, her beloved pussycat. She would feel better. She had had to fight long and hard to convince her parents that they should insist Basil go with her. She couldn’t bear to think of him shut in a cage for the whole summer. Eunice said she was allergic to cats, but her parents relented, so Mandy brought him anyway.

Basil was smart and knew to stay out of Eunice’s way. He slunk around, almost crawling on his belly. But when he was with Mandy, his ginger tail was up like a flag pole and his purring sent tingly vibrations along Mandy’s fingers.

Mandy started her search for Basil. He’d discovered some spots where he liked to curl up and sleep: under the apple tree on an abandoned small wooden chair, on the window-seat in the dining room and, of course, on Mandy’s bed. But he was nowhere to be seen. Mandy called his name as she walked, skipped and then ran through the house, around the house and along the various garden paths.

Eunice watched the child become more and more distraught. She saw the child’s tears and heard her sobs as she collapsed on her knees and buried her wet face in her hands.

Something cracked. Incredibly, Eunice thought she heard something splitting open inside her. Compassion and empathy welled up, blotting out all other emotions. Such strange feelings: strong, not to be ignored, not to be buried.

She ran to Mandy, lifted her up and hugged her, the child’s warm, sticky body retching with grief. Eunice told her they’d look together for Basil, and said they should get the bag of treats the cat couldn’t resist. Let’s shake the bag, she said, he’s bound to come.

Mandy stopped crying and took Eunice’s hand. Eunice almost wept with pleasure at this small sign of trust, of acceptance. They called Basil’s name and shook the bag of treats as they circled the house. And Eunice heard something coming from behind the garage door. It was a meow. Basil had snuck in there without her noticing when she’d put the broom back.

Eunice, Mandy and Basil hugged, smiled, stroked and purred.

Mandy had a wonderful summer that year, and enjoyed several more.

The Fountain

July 2016

The fountain emerges through the mist as I steady my horse, who has a fear of moving water. Its spray wafts through the dark, cold air, shrouding us in dampness. I hear the approach of the wagon and its two horses well before I can make out their shapes. The clacking of the metal horseshoes reverberates off the cobblestones, and bounces off the crumbling walls of the palace. Echoes are winding through the ruins and returning to us, to be soaked up and washed away by the fountain. It is a mystery as to how it continues to spew and dance when there is no-one left to care for it.

The woman steps down from the wagon, her hand resting, appearing to hover, on the man’s arm. As she watches her step, I see the crimson ribbon in her hair, entwined in her red curls. And, as I look down, past the still-heaving sides of my horse, I notice that the hems of her lavish skirts are tattered and soiled.

There is no logic to any of this, I think, as the man takes the reins of the horse which I have been leading to this spot.

I am thankful that both horses are honest, strong and level-headed. I could not have reached the fountain in time otherwise. And I know that my job is only just beginning.

I hope she is a good rider. We have a long way to go through countryside where anyone could be hiding. We will be riding nearly all the way under the cover of darkness, with the mist thickening. The meagre lantern I am carrying will not be enough to light our way.

The man helps the woman to mount. I can tell that she has ridden before. She has good poise in the side-saddle and holds the reins with soft, but knowing hands. She nods to me and we trot off, breaking into a canter as soon as we leave the cobblestones behind.

We emerge safely from the dark, dank oak forest, which I think is the most dangerous part, and enter the muddy lane which leads to our resting place. But when I glance behind I see the woman slumped over her horse, thankfully still in the saddle with her arms encircling the horse’s neck. As I pull my horse up, her horse stops. I drop the lantern and pick up her horse’s reins. I toss them over his head and lead him at a brisk walk. I dare not dismount and try to move her. I pray that she stays on the horse until we get to the Inn.

The landlord greets me in muted light which glows around his large silhouette in the doorway. I have the feeling he has been there for days, waiting for us, looking out. He and his burly wife heave the woman out of the saddle and carry her in. I dismount and lead the horses to the stables, feed them and bed them down.

I almost cry with the utmost of relief when I see the princess propped up in a chair by the blazing fire, sipping some broth. Her beauty transcends the dirty clothes, the dishevelled hair and the strain on her face. The landlady believes she is suffering from exhaustion and lack of nourishment, and gets no argument from me about staying for the night. She hands me a book of poetry and all but demands that I read to the princess, saying that it will help to calm her nerves. Perhaps it will help to steady mine as well. This delay is necessary, I know, but I must take the princess to France before the King’s enemies find her. Our lives depend upon it.

Poison

June 2016

Josephine is stuffing her suitcase with a random selection of clothing, without thought or planning, just hoping that there’ll be something that’s right for each occasion. The only item she is careful to select and fold, placing underneath the rest of the jumble, is her plain, black dress. She dreads the unexpected flight back across the Atlantic, and as she thinks about what she’ll be doing there, she feels as if she’s being sucked into quicksand. Nowhere to go but down.

She got the call from her older brother the day before. And his news shook her, making her tremble like an aspen tree for the rest of the day. She couldn’t focus on anything, nothing in her life seemed important any more. Pangs of guilt surged through her. She should have stayed in England with her two brothers, rather than come to Canada to study.

Despite the turmoil in her head, she managed to get a flight, for sooner than expected. But her living brother said he couldn’t put her up, so she had to find somewhere to stay, and rent a car so she could get there from the airport. There’d be no-one to meet her.

Scrunching up her favourite sweater and thrusting it into the corner of her suitcase, she contemplates her younger brother and the musical legacy Blair leaves behind. If you listen to her older brother Geoff, Blair chose to live below his potential. Giving yourself up to music is not something Geoff is capable of understanding, and Josephine knows that Blair’s lifestyle filled him with disdain. There isn’t a lyrical bone in her older brother’s body.

But the irony is that, Blair, after several years of dedication and creativity, made it into the big leagues. And, much to Geoff’s chagrin, he made a lot of money. Geoff, meanwhile, was struggling as a pharmacist, ending up working in a supermarket. He resented Blair’s success and openly displayed his anger at life, for its unfairness, for rewarding art instead of hard work. At least that’s how Josephine believes he saw it.

Josephine chucks a toothbrush into her washbag, remembering the earlier phone call from Geoff. He’d told her that Blair was on drugs and was in bad shape, and that he’d found out that Blair had an appointment to see a psychiatrist. Josephine wondered why the phrase ‘blood is thicker than water’ had no relevance to Geoff’s feelings towards Blair. In fact, his feelings were more vitriolic towards his brother than to anyone else that Josephine is aware of.

What Geoff told her didn’t make sense, so Josephine texted Blair. And he phoned her right away, denying any involvement with drugs. He dismissed Geoff’s accusations by making a couple of jokes about his brother, suggesting that Geoff must be the one smoking something. Blair sounded upbeat and enthusiastic about the record he was about to release, and told her about the video he was making. He was also going to make a debut appearance at a theatre in London the following week.

She followed up with Geoff, who told her that Blair’s condition was obviously serious and that he could be suicidal. Those who are determined to commit suicide talk about the future, he said, and share their concocted plans, to make sure that no-one is alerted. But Josephine thought this was ridiculous mumbo-jumbo, and attributed it to Geoff’s wishful thinking and the ongoing poisonous jealously which was eating away at him.

But two days later Geoff phoned her to say that Blair had, indeed, committed suicide just as he’d predicted. An overdose of something. This was to be expected, of course, blah, blah, blah. Josephine was shaking too much to take it all in. Something was terribly wrong with this picture. So Josephine is packing frantically, not just because she has a funeral to attend, but because she wants to find out how Geoff managed to poison her little brother.

Lulu

May 2016

Her waist measured the same number of inches as she had lived in years, thirty eight, and she was fine with that. It has something to do with her addiction to chips, and a lot to do with her sedentary lifestyle. Sitting and focusing on her work were things she did well. Walking and taking in the scenery were a waste of time and, worse than that, boring. Lulu had an active mind which contrasted with her inactive body.

She liked her quiet sanctuary of solitude on the forty-fourth floor overlooking the university where she worked. Every morning, including week-end days, she took the elevator down to the garage and drove the five minutes it took to get to her parking spot. There were ten steps to the elevator which heaved her up to the third floor. Then it was only fifteen more paces.

On this particular Saturday she was frustrated because she’d been compelled to leave work early. The anger had started to bubble in the morning, and now her face was flushed red, a tell-tale sign that her rage had surfaced.

She opened her closet door and scanned the contents. Her clothes had changed since she’d looked at them that morning. They had worn and faded, and become out-dated. She shuffled hangers, rummaging deep into the ends of the closet. She found a dress she’d forgotten she had, but she’d have to shrink three sizes to fit into it.

Everything looked different. It was if she was floating above her body, her condominium, her clothes – her whole life, in fact. The contentment she believed she’d felt, evaporated in a second. She endeavoured to hold onto it, to clasp at it, but it was too late. It was as if the beacon which had been guiding her, reassuring her and consoling her, had been extinguished. A new, harsher, more objective light shone on her and around her lonely existence.

And the mirror stopped telling its lies. She stood in front of it and thought she resembled a human version of a feral cat. Her hair was frizzy, her clothes looked as if they’d been bought from a charity shop, her sneakers were grubby, and her nails were chewed down to the quick. Her face was showing signs of aging with wrinkles in the dry skin surrounding her eyes and mouth. Her teeth were stained and her lips were fading away.

She would just have to cancel. It was unacceptable for her brother to have organized a blind date for her. It was unthinkable. She couldn’t remember how she managed to get herself talked into it. She’d always avoided them, always managed to evade attempts to link her up with some other outcast.

But her brother had said it would mean so much to him if she would just have a drink with this guy, Zack. He said Zack was a leading nuclear physicist with a brilliant mind. But he lived like a hermit and needed a friend to talk to. He’d told Lulu that they’d have something in common in the research they both did. There’d be plenty to talk about. No need to worry on that score.

Lulu found her old curling iron, discovered some pants with an elastic waistband which fit, unearthed a black top with a decorative butterfly on the front, rubbed some hand-cream on her face, put some eye-liner on and painted some gloss on her lips. She applied one coat of aged, purple nail varnish, drying it with the hairdryer.

The image in the mirror had perked up. She smiled, despite herself. But the teeth! At a speed she wasn’t used to, she tore down to the supermarket on the first floor and bought some whitening which promised results in thirty minutes, and grabbed some cheap but smart sandals.

She sat at the bar, wondering why she felt so ghastly. Her nerves tingled, her heart raced and her breaths were shallow. Her hands were so shaky and sweaty that she could barely hold the glass.

She knew who he was before he reached the bar. He wore a summer jacket with buttons which were far too distant from the button holes. He had a beard which she suspected had just been trimmed. His checkered shirt had brand-new creases in it, and his pants were shiny from use. His clumpy shoes were polished, but well broken-in.

She relaxed. This would be okay.

The Binder

April 2016

Brandon and I are sitting opposite one another at a small round table, but we’re each facing the garden. We’re surrounded by the bursting sounds of spring and the vibrant green of new shoots. My husband’s spectacles are poised on the end of his nose as he reads the newspaper.

I’m leafing through a binder while contemplating when to raise the subject of a trip to England again. I’ve printed off information on flights, hotels and car rentals, as well as directions.

Brandon hasn’t been back since he emigrated with his parents to Canada thirty years ago. But I’m curious and want to see where he was raised, and meet some of his English relatives.

His eyes shift from the page to the mug of tea on the wobbly table.

“Brandon,” I say, to get his attention. He notices the binder, and sighs while turning the page, flapping the newspaper as if he’s wrestling with it.

“Brandon, I’ve collected some information on flights and places we could stay.”

“I’m not interested.” He pushes his spectacles up his nose half an inch and loses a couple of pages in the process. “Blast. I’m not interested, Moira. You’ll have to go by yourself.”

“Brandon, you know that I want to see where you were born, and to meet some of your relatives there.”

“Not interested. If you really must go somewhere, Arizona sounds interesting. A couple of my colleagues have bought houses down there, they say there’s good golfing.”

“It’s so torrid there. I think it’s all desert isn’t it? Anyway, that’s not the point. I want to go to England. Nowhere else can substitute.”

I get no response. I’m lingering but don’t have a plan. There must be a reason why Brandon so vehemently doesn’t want to return. It doesn’t make sense.

“Brandon, I’m going to be an eternal pain in the neck about this England trip unless you tell me why you don’t want to go.”

He slaps the paper onto his knees and his hazel eyes darken. He looks at me with an intensity I’ve not experienced before. I imagine a lithe version of me wriggling under the table and disappearing.

“So, you really want to know?”

“Yes, of course I do. We’re married. We should share things.”

“Some things are best left unshared as far as I’m concerned.” His voice is somber and his face has paled. “Remember, you asked me.”

“Okay.”

“When I was a boy, I was in the church choir. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to share the details, so you’ll have to live with the short version. The priest took a liking to me and it wasn’t good for me. I eventually told my parents. They didn’t believe me and told me I was a disgusting liar and that no priest would ever do such things. But another boy was in the same boat and one day he talked to me, I’m not sure what brought that on. His parents had beaten him because they thought he was a sinful liar, that his stories were all an evil creation. I told him to tell his parents to call my parents. And it worked. And then my parents were so distraught about the whole thing that they wanted to leave. In short, they lost their faith, their jobs, their home, but they said that we had each other and we should make a new life. They asked me where I’d like to go and I said Canada. I didn’t know anything about this country, but the Rocky Mountains sounded like fun. We ended up in Ontario, with no mountains, but that’s okay.”

“What happened to the other boy?”

“I heard a few years later that he’d committed suicide, despite his family trying to get him help. The scars were too deep, perhaps.”

“So, where shall we stay in Arizona?”

Unknown

March 1 2016

I stand at the graveside with the collar of my heavy black coat pulled up to protect my neck and ears from the biting wind. The snow whirls around me in blustery bursts of excitement, its cold white energy mocking me. To think that my search ends here.

I am alone. The few people who attended the short service, wearing their concocted grief, have left. They didn’t know the woman buried here. I didn’t know her either. I discovered her too late.

I found out a little about her past from people she brushed up against. She had been an enormous woman with an eating disorder and had had an operation to have her stomach reduced. I heard that this had been successful, in that her weight decreased to just above normal, but the depression ate into her soul. That’s probably why the pernicious anaemia went undiagnosed, and this, along with her heart problems, truncated her life-span. She was 50 when she died, with no family or friends encircling her. Her body was found in a squalid rooming house which overlooked a junk yard.

I must have been standing here for some time. A large, golden moon is rising over the dark trees, shimmering and luminous, using the gravestones to cast shadows all around me.

I want to live. I’m not yet ready to join this quietened community.

For the first fifteen years of my life, I was bounced like a ping-pong ball from one home to another, never settling long enough to sort things out, or to get to know the people or the community I had landed in. And, rather than making me tough and resilient, I felt as if I was becoming more and more delicate, like a piece of crystal which might break if it was dropped one more time.

I had whimsical dreams about who my parents were and why they couldn’t look after me.

My favourite fantasy was that I was a princess and that the King and Queen, my parents, were too busy to care for me. They were ruling and fighting battles and protecting their castle, which had a moat around it, of course. But one day, soon, they would send for me. But no-one sent for me. And the woman buried in the near-frozen earth in front of me, was not a queen. According to my birth certificate, which I’ve recently obtained, she was fifteen when I was born, and my father is documented as “unknown”.

I turn away from the moon and walk back to the car. It’s windows are steamed up so I can’t tell what’s going on inside. I open the door, and sprinkles of sparkling snowflakes waft in, melting in a flash. They stand no chance in the warm air, full of smiles and contentment.

“Mommy, Timmy can say ‘moo’!” Lisa giggles as her eighteen-month old brother points to a plastic cow and yells “moo”. My husband throws back his head and laughs. I knew they’d be all right, waiting for me. My king, princess and prince make me feel like a queen every day.

My king has been patient and understanding as I’ve delved into my past, but twenty years of searching is enough. I have my fantastical family right here. I don’t need anything more. So my father will forever remain “unknown” to me.

Hot Chocolate

February 2016

Geraldine didn’t like the thundering noise the huge Caterpillar construction vehicles were making. She covered her ears and screamed. Melody wished she could be more stoic, but there was no-one to listen. And, in any case, no-one could hear above the thundering roars of the intimidating machines as they changed the contours of the land they had owned.

Melody knew it had been a poor decision to come back, but Geraldine thought they could pluck some of the happiness from the place, and keep it with them. The post-Jack happiness, that is. Geraldine had grown more sentimental and emotional over the years, and it was clear that she missed their life on the farm.

They stood, shaken by the devastation of the land and the destruction of the farm house and old barn. It was as if part of their lives had been snuffed out, as if their experiences and adventures had been dreams and inventions. There was nothing left to ignite the memories or to validate them.

Melody regretted coming and wished they could leave, but some invisible anchor kept her in place. Geraldine had stopped screaming but still held her hands over her ears, and tears rolled down her round cheeks. Melody guessed what she was thinking about, and shuddered. There was a graveyard where one of the bulldozers was working - graves where they had solemnly laid some of their beloved animals to rest, including at least four cats and three dogs, as well as one horse. They wanted them to be left undisturbed. They deserved to be left in peace.

Geraldine gasped and she yanked on Melody’s arm. The bulldozer was moving further south. Watchful, they clung to each other, shuddering. Beads of sweat dampened Melody’s reddening skin. They hadn’t contemplated on the bulldozer working south of where the barn had stood.

The development company had offered less than the property was worth, but Melody had requested a condition to the sale, rather than an increase in the purchase price. She had demanded that the southern section of the property, which ran along the creek, be untouched, for sentimental reasons. The management consultants for the project agreed, so Melody signed off on the agreement.

They had had no choice but to sell. They needed the money. Melody had no pension other than those issued by government, and Geraldine was penniless. Previously, before Jack was gone, their existence had been bearable financially, but unbearable in every other way.

Jack was buried south of the old barn. They’d reported him as a missing person, but they knew exactly where he was. Melody had shot him and had managed to dig a grave in the soft earth near the creek, drag his body there and dump him in the hole, with no remorse. She remembered walking back to the house feeling light and free. It had been the right thing to do.

Her son, Jack, had beaten his young wife Geraldine for the last time. He’d beaten her so badly that she couldn’t see out of either eye and had at least four broken ribs. Melody had tried reporting the beatings to the police, but they didn’t think domestic violence was a priority in those days. And there was nowhere for Geraldine to go. No safe haven. And no money of her own.

Geraldine had never been the same since that beating. Melody was certain that she’d sustained some brain damage. After she’d done what she could for her daughter-in-law’s injuries, and at a loss as to what to do, she’d made hot chocolate, Geraldine’s favourite. She gave up everything and looked after her ever since, laden by the guilt of what her own son had done.

As they watched, the bulldozer headed to the section of land that must not be disturbed. Geraldine’s nails dug into Melody’s arm. She knew what Melody had done and where Jack’s bones were. But, the bulldozer stopped, the belching black fumes dissipated, and its engine died. Melody guessed it had parked directly over the spot where Jack lay. She liked to think it was there to prevent him rising from the dead. She felt sure he’d be trying to.

Smiling, she turned to Geraldine and told her it was time to go home for some hot chocolate.

Copyright 2016 by Vicky Earle

Rabbit Out of a Hat

January 2016

My therapist said "write about it, it will help". And I want to do as she says, but it's going to make matters worse.

That evening is fresh in my mind. The flaming reds, yellows and oranges of the setting sun created silhouettes of the pines. The loon called out one last haunting song as it flew out of sight. This was certainly the tranquility I'd searched so long and hard for.

To get to this point, I'd spent too long reading reviews posted by cottage renters in Ontario's vacation country. I'd find a cottage which met my specific criteria, read a good review, sit back with a shuddering sigh of relief, wipe the sweat from my brow, but feel compelled to read another review. The next one would be negative and not to be ignored. Such things as a backed-up septic tank, power off for a week, a broken water pump, mice in the drawers, damp beds, neighbours' jet skis roaring past from dawn to dusk, a barking dog from dusk to dawn, and more.

I'd been a hair's breadth away from giving up. But I needed to get away, to find some peace and quiet, to escape. I even considered going to a resort, but the idea of communal dining put me off. People always want to make a connection with you. I sought solace.

Then I found it.

And, at first, all went smoothly. But then the rabbit showed up. He looked like a cotton-tail, but about five times larger. His huge dark brown eyes considered me as he approached. I sat mesmerized in the cushioned wicker chair, and wanted to touch the iridescent array of fascinating colours which shimmered in his fur. Entranced, I followed him down to the dock. It was more like a pier, with thick teak planks supported by solid stone pillars buried deep into the lake bed, a masterpiece when it was first built. This had been the clincher for me, when I was searching. Negative reviews noted safety concerns about swimming and canoeing, but I had a 26' yacht. I'd not had the sails up yet because there'd been no wind. Some promised for the next day, so I was excited. But, back to the rabbit.

I followed his beckoning white tail along the pier. He hopped onto the deck of my boat, onto a seat and then out of sight. I went frantic. I could imagine what damage his large, sharp, rodent teeth could do to my immaculate boat, my pride and joy. The only thing that was mine after the divorce. The only thing that didn't have to be cut into two pieces and destroyed.

I looked in cupboards, searched storage compartments, rummaged through drawers. Nothing. Then an eerie sense of movement. I scrambled up the ladder, through the hatch, and stood on the deck, gripping onto the railing. The rabbit sat on the pier. Both thick, indestructible mooring lines had been chewed through.

The wind picked up, the choppy water splashed against the yacht's shiny sides, and the sun disappeared behind the pine trees. There must have been a current conspiring with the wind. The yacht picked up speed and we headed for the weir. I'm a good sailor, but I couldn't get the engine to start (it always started), the anchor wouldn't hold, the sails took too long, and the emergency paddle was wrenched out of my hands.

Of course, we tumbled over the weir.

I woke up in hospital and stated talking about a devil rabbit, and haven't stopped since. So, I'm getting therapy.

Oh, you want the truth, do you? It's a bit different. There was no rabbit. But I did get into trouble with my yacht. The engine did fail and we did plunge over the weir. I came up with the demon rabbit idea when I realized I was in the hospital where Letty, the therapist works. My regret is that I didn't come up with a better story. I'm not the creative type. But it worked, inasmuch as I get to see Letty again. She was the therapist I saw for a while after the divorce.

So, tell me, how do I convince her I'm not mad and seeing things?

Copyright 2016 by Vicky Earle

Climate Change

December 2015

I'm standing underneath the bronze statue. Too close. I have to crane my neck backwards so that I can give it a careful examination. But I know I shouldn't be doing this. My gazing at this huge monstrosity unlocks memories almost too hard for me to manage. Perhaps my pain is something like post-traumatic stress disorder.

The plaque underneath states that Robert Gordon Brownswaithe was a hero. He was the Prime Minister of Canada from 2030 until 2038 and, if you believe the hype, he saved the world with his brilliant mind, his science and his innovation. An engine that runs on sun and carbon dioxide, emitting oxygen and water, bears his name. The R. G. Brownswaithe. Well, that solved several of the world's problems almost overnight and he became a billionaire in the process. Then, as a politician, he led the world towards climate change - but for the better. I can just about remember 2015 when people were predicting that many cities would be under water because scientists foresaw the average temperature of the planet rising by 2 or even 3 degrees in the not-so-distant future. My father made nonsense of that. Of course, his new engine was only the beginning. It started an avalanche of progress which stopped pollution cold, so to speak.

What does it matter that this human being bears the scars of having this man, this icon , as his father? When the whole world has been saved, what can I possibly complain about? And, if I was to suggest to any living being that my father had been immoral, then I'd be accused of being a miserable liar. In fact, I'm sure my saying such would be considered a cardinal sin. But, that's the truth. No-one will ever know it, but that's the truth.

I don't dispute he was brilliant, as I've already said. But he used his brilliance to steal, to intimidate, to cajole, to dominate and to claim ideas as his own which were not. It all started with my science project I submitted to my school's science fair. I developed the concept for that new engine. I was only 15. Others didn't see it, but he was smart enough to see that it made sense and ran with it. I was shut out and shut down.

But I mustn't start digging up all that stuff. I'll be back on the bottle again. I need to move away from this thing. I must find a cardboard box to sleep in somewhere. It's really cold. They say the average temperature of the planet has dropped by two degrees, and we could see an ice-age in about twenty years if we don't do something. My bones feel it. I've got some ideas, but I'm not about to share them. Best to keep them to myself.

Copyright 2015 by Vicky Earle

Horoscope

November 2015

This was the race Joe had been waiting for - it seemed like for his whole life.Finally he had a horse which had the breeding, the athleticism and the heart to run in the big leagues.

As he drove to the barber, he felt good. being a believer in astrology, he had read his horoscope on Barbara's Sunshine Future website, and been told that the planets were aligned in his favour, that good fortune was about to come his way. Barbara added that family and friends would be important. This made absolute sense to Joe. The purse for the race was $1million, which, without dispute, was a fortune. And he'd be celebrating his win with his family and friends.

With a bounce in his step and a smile on his face, he eased his rotund body into the chair for a haircut. He must look his best in the winner's circle. Despite the smile, Dirk, the barber knew better than to try to strike up a conversation with Joe. He'd tried once, and the man with the chubby face, gaudy shirt and shiny pants had merely emitted grunts and refused to meet his eyes in the mirror. It seemed to Dirk that Joe was downright stubborn in his unwillingness to converse with him. And today would have been no exception. Joe was in his own world, planning the celebration after his inevitable win. He would throw a party. After all, his horoscope had predicted that friends and family would be important. It would be simple, though. French wine and some brie and camembert, with some fresh bread which he would pick up from his favourite bakery on the way home from the barber.

It seemed to take an eternity for the horses to get to the starting gate. Joe was jumping up and down well before the horses were loaded. His heart pounded and his hands tingled. His face felt hot and flushed. Drips of sweat beaded on his forehead. At last the horses burst out with amazing power and strength, but Joe felt his chest tighten as his horse galloped at a tortoise-like pace relative to his competition. Never mind, it was a long race and he knew his horse would close well. He would come from behind. And, after all, he knew what the outcome was going to be.

Joe's heart raced and he could hardly catch his breath when his horse made a move to close the gap, as they turned for home. The excitement was so intense, so incredible, that he felt his heart lurch. But as his horse moved towards the inside rail, another horse bumped him and the jockey went sailing through the air. Joe's horse finished first, but without the jockey. It was quite the spectacle, he heard later. But he didn't care. He was glad to be alive.

"It was fortunate that Don was with you," his sister, Marie told him as he sat up in bed, glad to be out of intensive care and rid of tubes and machines. "He diagnosed your heart attack and got you here stat. It was waiting to happen, you know."

"Yeah." Joe knew. But his mind drifted back to his horoscope. Yes, it was good fortune that Don had been there, and yes, his family and friends had helped to pull him through. Without them, he probably wouldn't have had the will to survive the heart attack, or the desire to get back on his feet. Horoscopes are okay, but are subject to a lot of interpretation, he thought. And horse-racing is not the most important thing. Although it's darn close, he admitted, as he dosed off, picturing his horse crossing the finish line first, this time with his jockey.

Copyright 2015 by Vicky Earle

Renewal

October 2105

The horses munch
on the last of this year’s green grass. Their companionship is all I have since my sister left
last week. We had lived together for seventy years. I should have realized that
Tammy would want to leave, to escape, to float free like a butterfly after all the
containment, restrictions and suffocation.

Tammy had
insisted on looking after Mother after she was diagnosed with dementia. But I’m
sure she hadn’t counted on her living for another twenty years. I ran the house
and looked after the horses, dogs and cats, and gave her a break now and then,
but it wasn’t enough. Mother soon
demanded, and eventually needed, 24-hour, seven-day-a-week attention. And I
can’t begin to explain how difficult she was.

Tammy and I
were raised on this small farm, but we were never close. I was put to work at a
young age. Father grew a variety of vegetables, including carrots, cauliflower,
broccoli and beans. He also had a large pumpkin patch. For as long as I can remember,
until the day he died, I had the job of weeding. I was too small to use a hoe
at first, so I used a small fork and my bare hands. My fingers were engrained
with brown and green stains so I did my best to hide them under the desk at
school. I felt like an amateur
because my heart wasn’t in it. I stopped the second my father died and have
grown nothing since.

I gaze at
the crab apple tree
which looks precarious as its branches, loaded with fruit, swoop down into the
paddock where the horses are. We have great pasture because father looked after
the soil, adding nutrients, preventing erosion and rotating the vegetables. But
we children didn’t get the same treatment. We weren’t the recipients of tender
loving care.

Mother
hated the farm. As soon as the youngest of us started school, she took on a
full-time job which involved a lot of travelling. If she’d been away on a business
trip for more than a couple of weeks, we’d brace ourselves for her return.
She’d burst into the house. It was rather like a hurricane hitting us. Our lives would be turned
upside down. The furniture would be rearranged, the fridge would be cleaned and
restocked, our clothes washed and folded, our sheets changed and the house
scrubbed. But seldom would she look any one of us in the eye.

So why did
Tammy and I stay? The others left as soon as they could. I don’t think I know
why I stayed. Tammy has talked of guilt, of the expectation that one should
care for one’s mother in her old age. Maybe, for me, it had something to do
with my girlfriend. She left me after five years and my future evaporated. I
was lost. And I still haven’t found myself, these many years later. But,
despite everything, perhaps I like the farm. I can’t think of living anywhere
else. In fact, I can’t think of living at the moment.

So, I have
decisions to make. Do I stay or do I go? I’m 75. Hard to start a new life. Hard
to make up for lost time. I pop the cork on a bottle of wine. I’ll drown my sorrows and block
everything out.

By the
second glass I know this strategy isn’t working. I can’t stop thinking,
wondering and regretting. But as I drink some more wine, it mixes with my
advanced years and gives me some legs, some boldness. I pick up the phone and
call the widow who lives down the road. Perhaps she’ll be my girlfriend again
and perhaps it’s not too late to start a new life. It has to be worth a try. I
have nothing to lose.

Copyright 2015 by Vicky Earle

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